The Law of the Jungle
by Roozette
Summary: Everyone knows the law of the jungle. NEVER come between a lioness and her cub. Not even death will prevent Lily Potter from keeping her child safe.
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Harry Potter world. I make no money over my random and oft disjointed writings.

'Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.' _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_, page 314

AUTHORS NOTE: Ever read a passage in a book that seems to burn itself into your brain? I was flipping through the books to make sure my information was correct for a WIP, and reread this line. It made me start thinking about Lily. If she was such a fiery witch… would she let an insignificant thing such as death keep her away from her child?

SO this is my first non-slash, non-main character story, about what would have happened if _Lily_ raised Harry and Dudley. As such… I don't expect it to be too terribly popular. But that's ok. Because this idea is driving me nutso and I can't write anything else until I purge it from my system.

And warm feelings of affection for Sher for answering my question so promptly : )

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PROLOGUE

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Harry started crying when he heard the thump.

Whether or not he knew his father had fallen was debatable, but Lily found herself choking on her own tears as she stumbled up the stairs. Why did she go UP? Why didn't she go OUT? They'd been sitting at the dining room table, for goodness sakes. She could have disappeared out the back door and been safe. James had told her to take Harry, and she had blindly grabbed her baby and run straight to the nursery. And now she was trapped by her own anti-apparition wards. "Ssh…" her voice sounded off – high pitched and trembly. Did they have time to jump out the window? It was so hard to think coherently as Harry's little fists clenched and unclenched anxiously against her robes. "Daddy's fine baby, we're ok." Lily moaned, hearing the creak on the stair. Terror make her hands shake violently, so she set her son in his crib rather than risk dropping him.

She turned her back to the crib, refusing to bow down to the monster who was trying so hard to destroy her family. She couldn't afford to be weak – she needed to stay strong for Harry's sake. The shadow in the doorway caused an ache to start deep within her soul; spreading rapidly through her body until she was one quivering mass of sensation as she stared at the red eyed man. "Please." Any thought of not begging promptly disappeared from her mind as she stood between the crib and the doorway. "Not Harry. Anything but Harry. Please. Take me. Do whatever you want to me. I'll come willingly. Just please let Harry be."

"Foolish woman." The tone was cold, unimpressed. "Stand aside. You needn't suffer. It's the child I want."

"No!" The cry was desperate. "Not Harry! Anything but Harry!" She screamed once when the flash of green light impacted, causing her body to fall inelegantly to the floor. She stood back up immediately.

Harry's cries were much more intense. His chubby thighs wobbly as he gripped the side of his crib and chanted an unbroken litany of "Ma ma ma ma ma!" Lily reached back instinctively to soothe, only to gasp in horror as her hand went right through her son. She stared at her hand in betrayal. It couldn't be… oh please no! A wail seemed to rise from the very air around her as she was forced to stand there and watch events play out as they had been prophesized.

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James had been reaching for her, nearly blinded by tears and grief, but Lily was far too angry to go anywhere near him, and shook the searching tendrils off of her. Eventually, as she studiously ignored the pull from both the earth and the… beyond, or whatever… the image of her husband vanished and she was left alone. Left alone to rest her head against Hagrid's shoulder and sing a soothing lullaby to Harry; pleased when his cries turned to whimpers and he fell asleep. It didn't take her long to realize she wasn't a ghost. Useless screaming and pleading and begging towards Sirius and Professor Dumbledore convinced her of that. She didn't know quite what she was, but being ignored had never pissed her off quite as much as the moment she realized Albus Dumbledore meant to leave her baby with her sister. It made sense, legally, to send Harry off with the closest blood relative, but Lily hadn't spoken to Petunia since she had discovered she was pregnant. Petunia had refused to come to her wedding or do anything near anything magical. Their relationship was strained, at best. Harry was already developing into a determined little boy with a strong magical core. He thought it was funny to summon cookies, and had once toddled to his nursery and warded the room in order to avoid taking a bath.

Every fear Lily had was magnified tenfold as she watched the Dursley family interact with Harry. Or rather, _not _interact with him. They feared him. They hated him. They didn't care if they broke his spirit if it meant he would be afraid to utilize his magic. And one night, as Lily desperately tried to calm her little boy after he had been shut in the cupboard and ignored, she started to plan. She may have been a Gryffindor, picture-perfect Prefect, and all around lovely human being while at school, but she had also been best friends with Severus Snape and married to a Marauder. She had been taught by the best that planning went into well-executed schemes, and waiting for just the right moment made the revenge all the sweeter.

Lily's moment came on Harry's second birthday when Petunia stopped serving dinner and bolted to the bathroom. "Pet?" Vernon Dursley looked in mild shock at the place where his wife had negligently thrown a dish of spotted dick on the table, and then at the closed bathroom door where sounds of violent retching could be heard. Dudley screamed, his plump hands reaching out for any food he could reach. Harry sat quietly in his chair, tense over this unfamiliar development. Standing behind her son's highchair, Lily stroked the back of his messy hair as a gleam entered her eyes.

"It's all right, dear." Petunia Dursley was pale and trembling as she entered the kitchen. She blanched at the smell of food and absently passed her plate to Harry before moving to put the kettle on for tea.

"Bug going round?" Assured over her immediate well-being, Vernon went back to his dinner.

"Something like that." Petunia wrung her hands anxiously, gaze flickering to the table as she waited by the stove for the water to boil. Lily's smile was cold as she studied her sister. Something was wrong with her sister's body. It was a shame, really, that Lily was going to capitalize on her sister's weakness in order to assume control.

"Going to have a bite to eat, Pet?"

"Not hungry, darling. Think I'll just have a bit of tea and have a lie down after I put the boys to bed."

Lily rolled her eyes at the stilted conversation. There was no _life_, no _passion_, between them. Everything seemed so contrived and proper. There was always such _warmth_ between her and James. Their home, short-lived as it had been, had been full of laughter and warmth, of fighting and making up, of taking pictures of things no other person would ever understand, and inside jokes that they didn't even truly remember. Harry deserved to grow up in a home like that. Even that spoiled toddler squirming about as Petunia tried to wipe his sticky hands and face deserved a chance. Lily may have been a young mother, but she had been loving.

Petunia's appetite continued to decrease. She had difficulty picking her son up, cleaning, and frequently caught her breath and placed her hands over the lower right side of her stomach in an attempt to hold in her pain. Three days later, it had gotten so bad that Petunia packed up Dudley and Harry and took them with her to the doctor. Lily smiled, stroking the back of her son's head as Petunia informed the nurse of her symptoms. She could _feel_ her sister weakening, and left Harry's side to walk closer to the bed Petunia was reclining on. When the nurse asked for a urine sample however, Petunia shot to her feet with an indignant, "well, I never!" Then she paused, wavering on her feet as the pain in her midriff sharpened. "Oh." She sounded surprised; knees going weak in relief as the pain just as suddenly vanished. "That's ever so much better." Two seconds later, her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.

Lily watched the protective barrier around her sister's soul ripple and shot forward; grabbing onto the opening with both hands and tearing until a hole big enough to wiggle through formed. Harry, sitting so silent and still in the chair across the room, lit up like a Christmas tree when their eyes connected. Green eyes sparkling with happiness, he beamed and extended his little hands towards her eagerly. "Mama!" Dudley, however, stared at his mother in confusion and whimpered; instinctively scooting closer to Harry for comfort.

It took awhile for Petunia to realize her body was now playing host to her sister's spirit. "…complaining of pain in the lower right quadrant… Ma'am? …think her appendix has burst… Ma'am? Mrs. Dursley?" Her body was picked up and placed gently onto the examining table. "She's out of it." A prickle as an IV was started in her wrist, followed by the cool sensation of air as an oxygen mask was placed over her mouth. The feeling of floating as her body was picked up and placed on a stretcher. Petunia instinctively clutched her sister's reassuring presence closer as the doctor's words began to register in her foggy brain.

"… baby. My baby…" Lily felt a fissure of unholy glee ripple through her when Petunia's mouth moved as she spoke.

"Get Dr. Stevens in here. Ma'am, the children will be fine. We're sending them to the playroom until we can contact your husband. Try and relax, we're going to take you to surgery now and get you feeling all better."

Dudley and Harry started to cry as nurses picked them up and carried them from the room. "Mama!"

"Let's get her to surgery!" The doctor's voice was brisk as he called for support and wheeled Petunia's body down the hall. Her sister was weak, fading in and out of consciousness as the poison continued to trickle throughout her body. Lily wrapped herself around the frail body; Petunia's spirit clinging to her own as deliberately calm voices adjusted the mask over her face and strong arms transferred her to a surgical bed.

The anesthetic was delicious. It thrummed through the body; relaxing muscles and allowing Petunia to gratefully fall asleep and block out this nightmare of a day. Lily cuddled closer. Letting her strands of dormant magic spark through her sister's body in comfort as she aligned herself in the body and searched and searched… and there it was. Petunia's life thread was dull and listless; throbbing dully at the base of her skull and completely surrounded by the presence of Lily's magic. Without giving herself time to reflect upon what she was about to do, Lily rushed forward and _pushed_. At first, there was no resistance. Petunia was too weak, too tired, too utterly _surprised_ by the force of the invasion to put up much of a fight. It wasn't until Lily had nearly gained complete control of the body before Petunia's spirit seemed to realize that this was a fight it couldn't lose. But by then it was too late. Lily's spirit was firmly entrenched in the body, and Petunia…

"CLEAR!"

The jolt of electricity raced through her body, flinging out the last remnant of Petunia's weakened soul and causing Lily's mouth to open on a soundless scream as her lungs sucked in great mouthfuls of the sterilized air. It hurt. Burned. Made her brain feel like static and her muscles as limp as overcooked noodles. She ignored it all, too grateful for the chance, too eager to hear the answer. "My baby… please… Harry…" The voices continued talking in an annoying rush around her. Now she cursed the anesthesia she had earlier praised at it attempted to drag her back into unconsciousness. From far away she could swear she heard James screaming at her.

"…Shows no allergies to this medication…"

"…blockage in her intestines…continue to drain the contents of the intestine through the tube…"

"Did you see that burst of light when her heart started beating again? It was like magic!"

"Son, you work in medicine long enough you'll realize there's magic all around us. Pass me that vial."

"Is she awake? Put her back under."

"… Vitals are stable… I want 50 c's of…" Lily moaned, drifting in and out of consciousness, the conflicting sensation of hands working on her body and the heady rush of the medication lifting making her muscles tremble.

"Ma'am? Mrs. Dursley?" The voice was unfamiliar, unimportant. "You're in recovery now. You're going to be just fine!"

"Please…baby…. Where's my baby?"

"It's all right, Mrs. Dursley." Someone was patting her hand in a gesture meant to comfort. "You're feeling a bit out of sorts due to the medication you've received. Sleep now. You're going to be right as rain and everything will be a bit clearer in the morning."

"My son…"

"She's trying to say something." Sterile cloth brushed against her cheek as a nurse leaned closer to her oxygen mask. "Say it again, love."

"Harry… my son…"

Latex covered fingers gently smoothed a strand of hair off her face. "There now pet, the children are fine. With your husband, they are. Sleep now. There will be time to talk in the morning."

The voice was soothing; hypnotic. Her body responded instinctively to the comfort. And for the first time in the nine months since that fateful Halloween night, Lily slept.


	2. Waking Up

Lily awoke seemingly hours later. Her body ached, though not severely. There was a pleasant haze over her vision, as though someone had fed her a Calming Draught while she slept. "Umm, Jamie, put the kettle on would ya? Want to sleep a bit more before Harry gets up."

A deep male chuckle made her smile. The voice, however, did not belong to her husband and had her eyes fighting to open. "You must know my wife. I swear I heard the same thing over and over in the early stages of our marriage. Though they were usually accompanied with a, 'baby, do you love me?' Never could tell her no."

Finally winning the battle, Lily opened her eyes and stared at the man before her. Medium height and build, dark hair, glasses. Right overall description, wrong person. He turned his head and offered her a quick smile before turning back to the machines she was currently hooked up to and jotting a few more notes in the file he was holding. Right. Not her husband, her Jamie. A stranger. A doctor. Because Jamie was… and she…

"Hey now." The man by her bedside frowned, putting the file down on a rolling table and pulling his stethoscope from around his neck. He pushed a button above her head and started talking to her in calm tones. "Your blood pressure just jumped right on up there. You relax, Mrs. Dursley, we're taking good care of you, I promise."

Lily couldn't relax, her breathing becoming increasingly labored as her eyes darted frantically around the room. "My baby, please? Is he…" The medication was making her head swim. Grief and fear warring inside her as she fought the gentle ministrations and searched for her child. Her reason for continuing on.

A nurse entered the room, followed by two more individuals. The woman had her hair pulled up in a bun, practical leather shoes making no noise on the linoleum as she rushed to Lily's side. "There now, Duckie, calm yourself. Your babies are just fine."

Looking up into a pair of twinkling blue eyes, Lily felt herself begin to relax. But, wait, these weren't the usual sparkling eyes. Though she did say… "Harry? My baby? He's ok?"

"Course they are, love. Both went home with your husband shortly after you were moved from recovery."

"My husband?" Confused, Lily let herself be gently pushed back into the pillow as her drugged mind fought to keep up. James was dead. She had heard him fall. _Harry_ had heard him fall. "Wait," she wanted to gag. "_Vernon Dursley_ took my baby home?" That was too much. Taking the gentleman at her bedside by surprise, Lily swung her leg over the bed and kicked him. She gritted her teeth against the pain, trying to rise as her body protested the movement. Nothing hurt worse than the Cruciatus curse, and she had survived several battles. She could survive this too. But this body was frailer than _her_ body, and her foot didn't even connect with the floor before one of the other gentlemen caught her and pushed her back.

"Mrs. Dursley, I'm afraid I can't let you do that. My name is Dr. Stevens. I cut you open and put you back together. I insist you remain in this bed until I have a chance to check you out."

"Please." Hating this feeling of helplessness, Lily choked as a sob seemed to lodge itself in her throat. "I have to, I can't. You can't keep me here – I know my rights! He can't have my baby! He'll hurt him!"

The doctors exchanged looks over her head. "Mrs. Dursley," he continued on calmly. "I can't stop you from getting up, but let me tell you why you are still in bed. OK?" Lily gave a grudging nod. There was little she could do with three people surrounding her. Though if her brain wasn't so foggy from Muggle medication, she would be long gone by now. "There were just a few complications with your surgery." He held up a placating hand as she jerked in response. "We got you taken care of, but during your surgery we discovered you had a less common symptom. Your intestines were blocked, your abdomen just beginning to distend. Luckily, when your appendix ruptured you were in the examining room. We were able to get you into surgery, insert a tube, and drain your intestines. Unfortunately, you showed signs of sepsis, blood poisoning, that is, and technically you died for a few seconds. Now, you get out of that bed and you'll undo all of my hard work in making you healthy." He regarded her calmly. "Stay in bed and heal until I release you, or get up and potentially never see your child again. Your choice."

Lily glared at the man, hating that his manner was just enough like a mixture of Remus and Severus to calm her down. Judging from the look of shock on her original doctor's face, Dr. Stevens probably was not meant to be as candid with her as he had been. She could appreciate people who were straight with her, though, and grudgingly nodded, relaxing back onto the bed and ceasing her struggles.

"Good girl." Dr. Stevens nodded in approval and kicked over a stool before grabbing her file. "Now, you've obviously been feeling poorly for awhile, yes?" Lily remembered the sounds of her sister retching and nodded mutely. "Fever is very common with appendicitis, and due to the severity of your condition, it came as absolutely no surprise to me that you had a moderate reaction."

"A moderate reaction?" she repeated. She thought of Severus, in his first year of teaching, and smiled softly. "Is that your way of saying I'm a dunderhead for not coming in sooner?"

"Correct, though I am legally barred from name calling." He grinned at his patient briefly before returning to his notes. "Occasionally, the inflammation and infection of appendicitis are so severe that the decision is made to not close the incision at the end of the surgery because of concern that the wound is already infected. Instead, the surgical closing is postponed for several days to allow the infection to subside with antibiotic therapy and make it less likely for infection to occur within the incision. You with me so far?"

She blinked, processing this. "Wait, so…"

"You've been in and out of consciousness for three days," Dr. Stevens patiently explained. "You came to, briefly, in recovery, but we put you back under almost immediately. Vernon Dursley had informed us your blood type was O positive. However, when we tested you the results came back AB negative, and that was the blood type we gave you. Your file was corrected and updated before any harm could come about, your incision was closed last night, you are responding favorably to the antibiotics, and if you continue to stay in bed you can be released by tomorrow morning."

"My blood type's always been AB negative," she muttered absently. But he was right. Petunia had a different biological father than she did. Everything about the two sisters had been physically different. If her blood type was now her own, what else was changed? "I need a mirror."

"You need cranberry juice," the nurse corrected, already filling a water bottle with a mixture of cranberry juice and Sprite and passing it to her with a straw. "We need to get you hydrated, rested, fed, and walking around the room before you even think about anything else."

"But he's had my baby for three days now!" Desperation made Lily's voice hitch. "I need to see him!"

"One more day," the nurse spoke mildly.

One more day. Lily repeated the words to herself as she let them fuss and fiddle with her. One more day and then Vernon would come to collect her and take her home. One more day and she could be with her son. "Where's…" bile rose in her throat. She could not refer to _him_ as her husband. "Where's Vernon?"

The pause did not go unnoticed by the doctors. "At work, if the contact information is anything to go by." Dr. Stevens spoke mildly, making a notation on the chart. Seeing Lily's rising distress, as evidenced by the increased beeping of the machines, he flipped to a new page in her chart. "We have listed as emergency contacts a Miss Arabella Figg and Mrs. Eugenia Polkiss, respectively."

Polkiss? Who the hell was that? No matter, Lily remembered dotty old Miss Figg from her work with the Order. Chances were she had her baby. "I need her number." The nurse frowned. "Their numbers," she corrected herself immediately. "I need to call and check on the children." The doctors still looked slightly dubious, whether over her mental health or physical well-being she was uncertain. Come on Lils, she silently chanted to herself, you lied to Death Eaters. You can evade a few Muggle doctors. Summoning a weak smile, she let herself fall back on the pillows. "I'm really quite tired, but I simply cannot rest until I have assured myself of my babies' safety."

It worked. Ten minutes later the room was empty, she was sipping her Sprite and cranberry juice mix, had a brief conversation with Mrs, Polkiss, who turned out to be her, Petunia's, best friend, and was anxiously twisting the phone cord between her fingers as she listened to the endless ringing. "Hello?"

The old voice was so familiar Lily nearly burst into tears then and there. "Hello, Miss Figg," she politely replied. "This is Li… Petunia Dursley. May I speak to Harry for a moment?"

Silence. Oh crap, that was far too polite for her wasn't it? "What do you want to speak to the boy about?"

The Boy. Right. The Dursley's never did anything to make Harry's transitions easier. Genuine fear made her voice wobble. "Please, Miss Figg. I've been in hospital the last couple days. I just want to make sure he's all right." _And Vernon didn't hurt him_, she silently finished. She could hear Miss Figg breathing and pressed her advantage. "He's the only thing I have left of my sister."

"Aw, there now, Pet." Miss Figg had softened utterly at the indirect reference of Lily. "The little one's resting. But I'll be sure to tell him you called. He's been in a right state since Vernon dropped him off."

"Dropped him off?"

"Umm. About four days ago. Said he couldn't handle having two wee ones running about. But don't you worry, I've had young Molly Prewett helping me out."

Molly Prewett? "Molly Weasley?"

"That's right, keep forgetting she's married. I remember when she was just a freckle faced little girl. Now she's all grown with babies of her own. Did you know your sister's friend then?"

"Er… no, not really. Lily talked about her from time to time." Her mind raced for a way to quell the sudden suspicion in the lady's voice. "Once we, they, went into hiding, Lily sent me letters. And pictures. So I could, umm, know who to contact if something went wrong."

"Always such a thoughtful child." Miss Figg's voice cracked with emotion. "Such a shame about her and James."

"Yes." Her voice broke thinking about her husband. Late husband. "It really is."

"Well, I need to be going now, Petunia. Need to feed the cats before Harry wakes up. Mr. Tibbles and Tufty are getting quite the workout running away from the curious toddler."

"He loves animals." Lily's eyes were damp with emotion. "We're thinking of getting a dog."

"Well, that would be special, wouldn't it? You get better now, dearie. We'll see you soon."

"Yes, Miss Figg. And, thank you. For taking care of Harry. And please tell him I love him."

"Always, dear. He's an absolute love."

Lily sat there in silence for a long time, clutching the phone in her hands. Harry was safe. And fine. By some blessing of God, Vernon had taken him to Miss Figg and forgotten about him rather than locking him in the cupboard. The relief warred with the grief inside her and made her head spin. She wanted her baby. Wanted to hold him and cry with him over the loss of his, their, family. She did _not_ want to be in the hospital anymore. And she certainly did not want to go home with Vernon Dursley. But… she had a role to play now. Petunia had died on the operating table, and Lily had taken over her sister's body. She couldn't bring herself to feel badly about that fact. Petunia had the chance to be a mother to the two innocent children that needed her, and she had dropped the ball. Lily picked the ball up on the rebound and ran with it. Comforting herself with the knowledge that she would be "home" soon, Lily closed her eyes and slept. Still clutching the telephone like a lifeline.

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When she awoke this time, she was instantly aware she was not alone in the room. Years of living in paranoia, constantly watching the shifting shadows all around her, hell, being married to a prankster with an Invisibility Cloak, had taught her to maintain a high level of awareness for her surroundings. Keeping her breathing carefully modulated, Lily cautiously cracked open an eye, and received her first vision of Vernon Dursley through her sister's eyes. The man was sitting in a chair by her bedside, flipping restlessly through a magazine. Occasionally glancing at the watch on his wrist and making a disparaging face. He looked awful in the suit he was wearing. Face pink and shiny with sweat from the summer sun, shirt dampened about his arms and chest, girth spilling over his belt and forming unflattering ripples.

She wanted to kick herself for her innate disgust. She, of all people, knew better than to judge someone by their appearance. Often times the most unassuming person was the strongest witch or wizard, after all. But the character of Vernon Dursley seemed to hang about him like an oily blanket. Why had her sister married this man? Lily studied him in surreptitious silence. Had she felt so isolated from her family that she married the first man who paid attention to her and offered her an escape? Had she so desperately wanted to be first for once… first daughter married, first grandchild born, that she had overlooked the sheer meanness of the man? There was no way Petunia had been happy in her marriage. No one would ignore severe pain and constant nausea for so long if not slightly afraid of the retribution received for going to hospital. And in the nine months she'd spent drifting around the Dursley household, she had rarely seen her sister smile at anyone or anything besides her mean-spirited child.

The nurse standing by her bedside and inserting a clear liquid into her IV that spread a wash of cold through Lily's body, smiled at her conspiratorially. Guess you couldn't fool someone who was trained to watch heart monitors into thinking you were asleep, after all. "Mr. Dursley?" The nurse spoke quietly, respectful of her "sleeping" patient. "I believe Mrs. Dursley will remain asleep for awhile yet. Sleeping off the anesthesia is an important part of recovery. Perhaps you would like to go get a cup of coffee and return in a bit?"

"No." Gods, even his _voice _seemed to ooze with self-righteous anger. Lily tensed at the sound. "I would not like coffee in this ruddy heat. If you think she'll be sleeping awhile yet, I'll head on home. You say she'll be out tomorrow, yes?"

"Yes, Sir. She's healing nicely and responding well to medication. Mrs. Dursley will need to take it easy for a bit," there was a note of censorship in the nurse's tone that made it clear she was talking to the patient as well as the husband, "but she'll be perfectly fine in a few days."

"Good. Won't pay the bloody bills for this hospital a minute longer than necessary. It's a crime, truly, how much you charge here. This isn't a four-star resort, you know."

"No, Sir."

"Right, well. I see she's capable of using the telephone. Have her buzz me if she'd like Marge to come stay and visit for awhile. Help her out about the house." _Not bloody likely_, Lily thought fervently. "Can't get away from the office till after lunch, so try not to discharge her too early now."

"No, Sir." Lily had to suppress a smile at the nurse's carefully modulated tone.

"See that you don't." A wet kiss was placed sloppily on her cheek. Lily nearly gagged, and had to fight to keep her body's reaction suppressed. No one but her husband was allowed to kiss her. Except, Vernon _was_ her husband now. Dear lord, what had she gotten herself into? But it was worth whatever mental pain she had to go through. Harry was worth everything. She had to protect her son. And if that meant suffering through a few kisses until she could get Vernon sorted out, well – she was a strong woman.

"You can wake up now, Sleeping Beauty. He's gone."

Opening her eyes, she gave the nurse a grateful smile. "Thanks. I'm just not up to dealing with him right now."

"I can imagine." The nurse smiled back before settling herself into the chair Dr. Stevens had recently vacated. "My name's Catherine, by the way, and I will be your night nurse. My replacement, Kris, will relieve me at six A.M., and if you're awake I will introduce you to him before I go." She paused slightly, tapping the file in her hand against the palm of her other hand. "I do have a few questions to ask you, if you think you are up to them?"

Lily sighed, wincing slightly as she adjusted into a sitting position. "Go for it, Catherine. The sooner we get done here the sooner I can get home to my son… kids." She smiled brightly to overcome her lapse. "I miss my babies."

Catherine smiled back. "Yes, I heard you were asking for them straight out of surgery." She set the file in her lap, uncapping a pen and poising it over a clean sheet expectantly. "Now, Petunia, some of these questions are rather personal. I apologize if I offend you, but some serious concerns have been raised, and we here at The Royal Surrey County Hospital are committed to providing the best care for our patients we can."

"OK?" Lily was confused by the topic of conversation. What had she done to warrant awkward questions?

"OK," Catherine agreed, smiling sweetly. "Petunia, has your husband, or anyone in your home, hurt or threatened you?"

Lily blinked. "What? No, my husband would never dare raise his hand to me!"

The nurse kept her face blank and made a small notation on the paper. "Have you ever felt controlled, unsafe, or overtly criticized in your home?"

And Lily got it. The doctors from earlier had picked up on her distress over Vernon having Harry and thought she was a victim of domestic abuse. True, Vernon had a nasty temper, but had he ever done anything to warrant this level of attention from authority? Lily's mind was racing. It would be duplicitous to use this situation to her advantage, but what if something happened in the future and they had her on record as adamantly refusing their care?

"Ma'am? Petunia?"

Right. The nurse was pursing her lip, a knowing look in her eye, as Lily sat there in silence. "My... Vernon, has a right temper. At times." She paused, choosing her words with care. "At present, though, he has never harmed me."

"I see." Another notation joined the page. "Have you ever been asked to do something sexual that you did not want to do?"

"No." Her answer was firm. Petunia and Vernon were as contrived physically as they were conversationally. They had sex once a week and that was that. And you could bet your ass that Lily would be turning the lump down well into the foreseeable future.

"Good. One last question, if I may?" She waited for Lily's nod before continuing. "What about your children, ma'am?"

Lily shut her eyes in denial of the compassion on the nurse's face. She averted her face, addressing her answer to the bed sheets. "Vernon resents Harry," she said softly.

"Harry?" The sound of rustling paper. "That would be your nephew you maintain primary custody of? Added to your insurance in February of this year?"

A pause. "Yes." Denying her relation to her son was the hardest thing she had ever done. "In Vernon's eyes, Harry pales in comparison to his son Dudley."

"His son?" The nurse's face was once again carefully neutral. "Are you feeling dissociative towards Dudley?"

"Am I feeling…" Lily trailed off, realization hitting her hard right then. For all accounts and purposes, she was Petunia Dursley. She was Dudley's mother now. "I'm his mother." She was numb. It was one thing to talk about being someone's mother, another to actually _become_ someone's mother. She had done to him what Harry had gone through. His mother was gone, and his aunt was stepping in to fulfill the role.

"I see." The nurse smiled gently, writing something down on the paper before setting the entire file aside. "Should anything change in the foreseeable future, we are always here to help you in any way."

HPHPHP

Lily took a fortifying breath as she signed her discharge papers before weakly walking to the bathroom. Her hands were shaking by the time she finished her business, and she braced herself heavily on the sink as she gazed at her reflection for the first time. It just seemed so intrinsically _wrong_ to see Petunia's features staring back at her. She wondered if she would ever get used to it. Though it was obvious, to her, that she had changed. The contours of her face were softer, looking less pinched and tight. Dark circles shadowed her eyes, but the eyes themselves were brighter, warmer, flecked with green where before they were strictly brown. Even her hair had hints of red in it, looking more strawberry blonde. There was something else… Lily tilted her head curiously, watching in morbid fascination as the mirror image of Petunia mimicked her. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Shrugging it off, and vowing to pay more attention to her body when she had the time, Lily returned to her room and reluctantly climbed into the wheelchair that would take her out of the hospital and towards the car. This was it. She had successfully taken possession of Petunia's body and was now going to see her baby. Be able to hold him, comfort him. And there was Vernon Dursley, waiting for her by the front doors with the car. Shakily getting into the passenger side, she thanked the orderly, ignored Vernon's start of surprise over such common behavior, and buckled up; shutting her eyes with a weary sigh. Vernon gave her a searching look before starting the car. "All right, Pet?"

"Just fine, Vernon." She wanted to hit him, urge him to drive faster through the afternoon congestion. Her hand fairly tingled with the knowledge she would have her child in her arms soon. "Bit tired still. Shaky."

He nodded, absently reaching out a hand to pat her knee as he weaved from lane to lane. "I have to head back to the office, but should be able to knock off early tonight. Perhaps pick up a pizza so you don't have to cook, hmm? Eugenia has Dudders, and will bring him round after dinner. Old Miss Figg said she would be willing to keep the boy overnight again if you needed a break."

She nodded when she realized he was waiting for a response. "Thoughtful of her. But Harry is little trouble. I'll give her a ring once I get settled, have her bring him round."

Vernon gave her another odd look. "If you say so, Pet."

Her breath quickened when they pulled into the driveway. She had grown to hate this house in the nine months she'd been drifting about and watching Harry. There was so much anger here, so many artificial emotions and conversations, so much obliviousness as to what was really important. But now it was her home. Her life. She had to make this work. It was still awkward walking in Petunia's taller, weaker, thinner body, and Lily leaned on Vernon gratefully as he helped her up the walk and into the living room. She accepted another sloppy kiss on the cheek, and was reaching for the telephone before his car had even backed out of the driveway. When the doorbell rang moments later, she was trembling too much to leave the couch, and had to clear her throat twice before murmuring a breathy, "come in!"

Miss Figg entered the room carrying a sleeping toddler with messy dark hair and a bulging sack of clothing. Lily smiled weakly, her attention focused solely on her baby. His little lips were pursed in sleep, his cheeks flushed, one hand trustingly wrapped around the trim of old Miss Figg's sweater vest. "You," she paused, clearing her throat. "You can set Harry here on the couch, by me." Her hands shook with the need to smooth his hair, count his fingers and toes, kiss his rosy cheeks. There would be plenty of time to reassure herself of her son's health.

"How are you feeling, Pet?"

Again with the hated nickname. Why did seemingly everyone call her that? "Bit shaky, really." It was ridiculous how stilted the conversation was becoming. Why couldn't she just leave and let her have time with her son before the Dursley's came back!

"Begging your pardon, Mrs. Dursley." Miss Figg looked nervous. She gestured to the baby. "It's important that you stay healthy, and Poppy was concerned when I told the Headmaster you'd been admitted to the hospital. She came over to check little Harry's health, and see if she could do anything to help you."

"Poppy?" Lily was proud of the note of confusion she interjected in her tone. No one would suspect she was talking about the lady who had helped deliver her child.

"Madame Pomona Pomfrey," Miss Figg twisted her purse strap as she explained. "She's a Healer, specializing in Pediatric medicine. Molly was up at the school when I was talking to her, as the twins accidentally got into their father's tool shed and managed to set it on fire. It was quicker and cheaper to take them to Poppy than St. Mungo's." She leaned forward confidentially. "Poppy is better than half the Healer's at Mungo's anyway." Gesturing to the bag at her feet she continued on. "Molly went through the clothes the twins and little Ronnie have outgrown. Finally got herself a girl babe, she did, and won't need them anymore. Wanted to pass them on to Harry as his were a little… big, for him."

"Oh, yes." Lily smiled weakly, inching her hand closer to Harry's ankle. It was _killing_ her to make polite conversation just then. Let's see, the last time she saw Molly was when she was pregnant. She'd heard about them having a girl sometime in the summer but hadn't had time to visit. "Thank you for checking Harry out. And please pass on my thanks to Molly for the clothes."

"It was no trouble," the old lady hastened to reassure. She paused, trying to politely phrase what she wanted to say. "He's a dear child."

"Yes." Lily couldn't help it. She turned and studied the sleeping baby, one hand moving of its own accord to smooth the wayward hair. "He's very precious to me."

"That's good." Miss FIgg seemed satisfied by the genuine emotion in Lily's eyes. "We were a bit alarmed at how peaky he was, but I presume it was residual shock from losing his parents and adjusting to a new environment. Now, Poppy left some medication for you. Nothing complex," she babbled upon seeing lily's surprised expression. "Just some muscle relaxers, pain reducers, and something to help you heal a bit easier." She eyed Lily's too thin body warily. "I told her you weren't in the best of health."

"I see." Lily paused, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. Miss Figg looked startled at the familiar nervous reaction and Lily immediately quit. Right. Petunia would never drop her social manners and relax around the neighbors. She smiled weakly. Not even discharged from the hospital for a day and she was making mistakes. Who knew it would be _that_ difficult to impersonate her sister? But she wanted those medications. She knew from personal experience that Poppy stocked nothing but the best supplies, and she would need her wits about her in order to take care of two toddlers. "Please pass on my appreciation to Madam Pomfrey."

"Oh yes, yes of course." Miss Figg was looking at her oddly again, but shook it off as she leaned over to pat Harry gently on the head. "I'll be off then, let you get some rest before the wee one wakes up." She hesitated, giving Lily an open and earnest expression. "_Please_, if Harry gets to be a bit too much trouble, you just give me a ring and I'll be over quick enough to collect him from you. And Molly has loads of kids he can play with if you need a break."

Lily suppressed her initial rush of fury. Miss Figg was implying that _Petunia_ was unable to properly care for Harry, not Lily. "Right. Thank you."

Five minutes later Lily was alone with her son. Carefully stretching out, she moved until she was lying next to him, and simply gazed at him. She counted his breaths, marveling at the detail in his face and how much it had changed since the last time she had seen him in such contrast. While drifting, things often appeared hazy and unobtainable. Even when she pet her son's hair she couldn't feel the baby soft strands the way she could now. She couldn't smell the Johnson and Johnson lotion on his skin, feel the silky warmth of his skin, or hear the little noises he made as dreamed. Tears dripped from her eyes and leaked onto the hideous floral couch. James would never get to see him like this again. Wouldn't get good-night kisses and hugs, get to hear that bright bubbly laughter, wouldn't get to watch their baby grow up into a man.

"I'm sorry, Jamie." She was whispering, emotion making her throat tight. "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me, I had to stay. I'm his mother. It's my job to protect him."

Harry shifted, frowning, as her voice invaded his sleep. He opened his eyes, green eyes dulled and hazy with sleep, and blinked at her before smiling and shifting closer. "Mama." He sighed contentedly, one hand reaching for her hair, already asleep again as Lily curled an arm around him and pulled his little body close.

"Yes baby, Mama's here." As she cuddled her son on the couch while he slept, Lily realized there was absolutely nothing in the world she would not sacrifice to keep him safe. She was here now. She would protect him. Though she would be busy with her new extended family, it was time to stop wallowing and start working on securing a future. For all of them.


	3. Rome Wasn't Built In A Day

Lily sat at the breakfast table, blindly staring into space as she wrapped her shaking hands around her coffee mug.

Last night had been awful. Lily had had three precious hours with Harry before Vernon had come home bearing a deliciously greasy looking pizza box and a six pack of soda. To say he was surprised to walk in and find his wife sitting on the floor coloring with the nephew he hated would be an understatement. Thankfully, his rant was interrupted by Eugenia Polkiss choosing that moment to show up with Dudley. Apparently, the "little angel" had refused to take a nap earlier, which resulted in him being returned to his parents the minute Vernon's car entered the driveway. Dudley had been shrieking and running around, but the moment he saw Lily he froze and started to cry. He dodged his father, running all around the house crying and calling for "mummy," until an exasperated Vernon caught him and handed him to Lily before stomping off to take a shower. Lily had tried to calm him down, she really had, but little Dudley was used to his mother lavishing him with attention every day. Having gone four days without her, only to find a "stranger" in her place… Lily had tiredly held him and murmured shushing noises until he cried himself to sleep.

Harry was insanely jealous of his cousin. The minute Vernon walked in the door he glued himself to his mother's side as though afraid she would vanish again. When Dudley arrived home, Harry gripped his mum by the arms and shouted, "No, Ly! No! G'way!" The entire time she held Dudley, he clung to her skirt. Walking up the stairs, a painful event in itself, to put Dudley to bed, she nearly tripped over her son and sent them all flying. Vernon had grabbed Harry roughly by the arm, shouting at him for his clumsiness. Lily had grabbed Harry away, shouted right back at Vernon, and the two of them spent the night curled up with Dudley in his twin bed while Vernon slept alone down the hall.

This morning hadn't gone any better. Dudley woke up to find his cousin and the stranger masquerading as his mother cuddled up in bed with him and started screaming. Lily had tiredly dragged herself out of bed, changed both boys, and headed downstairs just as the towing company brought Petunia's car back from the hospital. Vernon immediately started shouting about the cost, and called the company up to: "give them a right telling off! Blood hounds, the filthy lot of them!" Dudley tried to wrap himself, still screaming, around his fathers' legs, and Vernon had promptly spanked the crying boy and handed him to Lily. She in turn dragged the flailing boy, with Harry clinging desperately to her bathrobe, into the kitchen, and plunked both boys down into their high chairs. Sprinkling a bit of Cheerio's for the boys to munch on, she turned to start the coffee pot and absently summoned a peach to slice for the boys as well. The fruit promptly exploded.

Harry grinned and laughed, clapping his hands in delight and looking expectantly around the kitchen while yelling for Daddy and Padfoot to do it again. Dudley went absolutely still, staring at the mess in wide-eyed silence. Lily sat down at the table, put her head in her hands, and started to cry. Which is the scene Vernon walked into mere minutes later. He surveyed the mess, his crying wife, his nephew happily eating cereal, and his silent son, before finishing the coffee his wife had started and handing both boys a package of Pop Tarts. In a rare showing of compassion, he patted Lily's shaking shoulders and told her she would fall back into her rhythm soon. Then he enfolded her hands around a fresh cup of coffee, kissed her on the cheek, and headed off to work.

They were still sitting there twenty minutes later. Harry had gotten bored after eating one of the two Pop Tarts that came in the package. He'd ripped his other one into pieces and was pretending they were cars, making vrooming noises as he directed the pieces around his tray. Occasionally he would yell, "Crash!" and slam two pieces together. After laughing hysterically at his own cleverness, he'd make the destroyed pieces hover in midair while the victory piece made a lap around the entire tray. Dudley was still sitting there in silence. He had thawed enough to nibble on his Cheerio's, and handed his Pop Tarts to Harry when he ran out of pieces to destroy. Between the hysterical stranger and his cousin, Harry was the lesser of two evils. He was sticking close to him, as the stranger was quite obviously fond of him.

Lily was in shock, sitting at the table mindlessly drinking cup after cup of coffee until the entire pot was gone. Then she made more and started the process over again. Her magic had failed her. A simple summoning charm… and the fruit had exploded. She could see why Harry had thought it was a prank and cheered for his father, but hearing her son ask for daddy so soon after realizing she had no control over her magic had been the final straw. _What_ was wrong with her magic? Was it permanent? Granted, Petunia had been, at most, a squib, but _she_ had been a powerful witch. Even allowing for magical depreciation, something she wasn't even sure existed, due to the body change, she should _still_ have been able to accomplish a simple summoning charm without needing a wand. For that matter, could she _use_ a wand? Was she destined to become a Squib in a stranger's body?

Dudley stopped eating the moment she started moving. They regarded each other in silence. "Here's the game plan, boys." Harry looked up at the sound of her voice and beamed a smile. "We're going to go upstairs. I am going to give you a bath, get your teeth brushed, and then get you two dressed. You may then play while I shower and dress." Lily paused, sipping her coffee. "Do you know my name?"

"Mama!" Harry bounced in his high chair excitedly. "Mama! Mama! Mama!" Dudley continued to watch them in silence.

Hearing Harry so innocently echo the words he had chanted _that_ night made Lily go pale. Summoning a slightly strained smile, she continued on. "Yes, baby, I'm your Mama. And Dudley, I know you're a confused and scared right now, and I know you don't understand all that I am saying, but I am going to be your mama, too."

"Mummy?" Dudley looked at the doorway hopefully.

"No, precious, your mummy had to go away. But I am going to take good care of you, I promise." Dudley whimpered, sinking further into his seat. Harry silently reached out and offered him half a Pop Tart. "And today," she made herself smile brightly, if artificially, at the boys. "Today we are going shopping. You see kids; I realized last night that if I am going to be a successful parent I need to make a plan. So, first we are going to go to an office supply store and get a wall calendar and a day planner. We need to get organized."

Getting up long enough to dig through a drawer for some paper and an ink pen, Lily wrapped her bathrobe tighter around herself and topped off her coffee before sitting back at the table. "Now I don't know what all I am doing and I may have to do all this as a Muggle which will be… interesting. But we're going to start preparing for our futures today. Dudley," the pink faced toddler eyed her. "You are going to stop being afraid of me soon, and when that happens, I, well, I don't really know what I will do. For now, though, you are going to share a room with Harry. So today we are going to go buy another twin bed and some new curtains since I hate everything floral."

She tapped the pen against her lip after writing the additions onto her list. "We'll need to get some groceries, as there is nothing I would deem remotely healthy in this home." She eyed the mass of exploded fruit still sitting on the counter. "This is partly my fault."

Harry clapped in delight. "Boom!"

"Yes, baby, boom indeed. And that will be about all we can do today. I'm still healing from my unplanned visit to the hospital and need to rest." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands wearily. "So we're going to do some heavy shopping in a short amount of time, come home, eat lunch, and then take a nap. OK?"

Still leery of Lily, Dudley was oddly compliant. Throwing them both in the tub together to save time and energy, he let an exuberant Harry dominate the toys and refused to let Lily wash his hair. Harry splashed and sang nonsensical songs to entertain himself. After attempting to take them potty in the big boy toilet and wrestling them into clean diapers and clothes, Lily contemplated skipping their shopping and going straight to the nap. But needs must, so she turned on the telly to _The Adventure Game_ and let them be entertained by talking plants and Dragon-shape-changers called Argonds. Harry was used to the concept, but not Muggle television. Dudley was used to the telly, but not the concept of life on the planet Arg or magical beings. Both boys were utterly enthralled, and Lily was allowed to shower and dress in peace.

After driving around aimlessly for awhile, "I am not lost. I am not lost. I am not lost, I am simply taking the scenic route," a bright banner caught her attention just off junction 10 of the M25. Surrey Office Supplies was in the process of establishing their business. Though the grand opening wasn't scheduled till summer of the following year, their three warehouses were loaded and Lily had no problem picking up a secondhand sturdy wooden bed and mattress set, two desks, wheeled chairs, dresser, and storage containers. In fact, she fairly beamed as she scrawled _Petunia Dursley_ on the credit card receipt and arranged for delivery the following morning. A trip to a roadside grocer provided sweetly ripened fruit, vegetables, and homemade jam, and then they were off to the grocery store… where Dudley promptly forgot his fear of her and began demanding all manner of things.

Harry had never been to a Muggle grocery store before, and was fascinated. Without fear of retribution, he was also lively, bright, and curious. "Mama!" He held up a package of cereal animated with a flying spoon in space. "Fly!"

"Button Moon? What kind of show is that?" Lily looked utterly perplexed by the cartoon. "No, baby, put it back."

"Mine!"

She looked over at the battle cry to see Dudley grabbing packages of chocolate chips off the shelves and clutching them possessively to his chest. "No, Dudley." She started walking closer to take the packages from him. "We don't need five packages of chocolate chips. In fact, we don't need any. Put them back."

"No!"

"Put them back, _now!_" Dudley's lip started to wobble. Sighing, Lily raked an absent hand through her hair as she turned back to Harry. Her heart stopped beating when she realized he was gone. "Harry!"

"Padfoot!"

Seizing a screaming Dudley around the waist, she hauled him around the corner where Harry was happily petting a large black dog on a leash. "Oh, Harry."

Her son looked up with a huge smile on his face before turning back to the dog and tugging insistently on the pet's shoulder. "Up, Padfooot, up!" The dog leaned over and licked his chin. Harry frowned. "Up!" he repeated insistently, raising his arms over his head to exaggerate his point.

"Baby," shifting Dudley to her other arm, Lily walked closer and ran a hand through Harry's hair. "That's not Padfoot."

"His name's Marvin," the owner of the pet informed them kindly; looking at Lily holding the struggling toddler in faint disapproval. "After my favorite _Looney Tunes_ character, Marvin the Martian."

Lily smiled absently at the man, reaching down to sieze one of Harry's hands and pull him away from the animal. "Harry, tell the nice man thank you for letting you pet his puppy. But you know better than to run away from Mummy. Especially in a store."

Harry's chin started to tremble, his big green eyes filling with tears as he tried to pull away from his mother. "No, Mama! Padfoot!"

"We'll find Padfoot later, baby. Right now we need to finish shopping so we can go home, eat lunch, and take a nap." Harry stuck his bottom lip out. "Remember the plan?" she asked hopefully.

Dudley kicked her in the side, trying to reach the rows of pudding he could now see before him. Lily dropped him with a gasp of pain, going sheet white as her hand flew to her still tender abdomen. Dudley ran across the aisle, joyously pouncing on his favorite puddings and carrying them to the cart.

"Can't you control your children?" A woman had joined the man with the dog, and was looking down her nose at them. Lily could understand how it looked. Harry was crying now, holding her hand while he wailed his unhappiness at not having Padfoot. Dudley was running back and forth with puddings, after completely ignoring her shouts. And Lily was just standing there, one hand still pressed to her stomach, as she watched the madness unfold.

"No, actually, I can't." Harry had stopped crying and was now whimpering for Daddy. Dudley had moved on to the brightly covered packages of crisps. They were beginning to attract quite a bit of attention, one of which was a store employee who was glaring at the clutter Dudley was making of his otherwise pristine shelves.

Lily shrugged tiredly and told the truth. "I was just released from hospital yesterday. Before yesterday, I hadn't so much as spoken to or held my son in nine months. My nephew doesn't know me, and is still trying to figure out what is going on since his mother just died." Her voice was rising slightly. "I spent the morning crying into my coffee cup, and then decided to come to the grocery store since there was nothing healthy to eat in the house. Shopping for groceries is normal. It's consistent. It's what people are supposed to do! Harry wants his Daddy, well, you know what, kiddo? I want him too!"

Ringing silence followed this declaration. Lily stood there, trembling with the aftershocks of the pain in her side, breathing heavily and clinging to her son's hand while Dudley happily went back and forth between the aisle and the cart. And that was how Lily learned that Surrey was a community, not merely a city in London.

A young man with vibrant blue hair stepped forward and grabbed Dudley around the waist, hoisting him up to his hip. Dudley froze at the image of the stranger, and immediately started screaming. His companion, a young blonde with Madonna-style teased hair, started unloading the crisps and puddings from the cart and arranging them back on the shelf. A woman in her thirties, wearing pearls and low-heeled shoes, of all things, reached out and snagged Lily's grocery list, ripping it in half and handing the other half to her companion. The man with the dog kept hold of Harry, the youth with blue hair ignored Dudley's struggles and continued to hold him, his companion pushed the cart, the pearl-clad ladies helped locate all the desired items quickly and easily, and sooner than she could hope Lily was paying for her groceries, bundled into her car, both boys snapped into their car seats, and waving good-bye to her new friends. She talked to the boys as she drove home, since hearing herself helped organize her thoughts and calmed her down.

"We survived the grocery store. Better yet, we bought enough that we won't have to try that again for at least a week, maybe two. Bonus! I made new friends, and people think I am weak and on the verge of a nervous breakdown instead of a horrible mother. Dudley is talking to me now. The jury's still out over whether that's good or not. We didn't get new curtains, but we bought a bed which was more important. Obviously our plans for the day were a bit too adventurous, but I am still learning the limitations of this body." She signaled, turning onto Privit Drive. "And I didn't get lost finding the house from the grocery store. I feel accomplished."

Remembering well how useful the television was this morning, and only feeling a bit guilty for using it as a babysitter, Lily herded the boys into the house and turned on _Teetime and Claudia_ before unloading the groceries and starting lunch. After a bracing cup of tea, she made a simple meal of roman noodles with corn, and chicken nuggets for all of them. Then, utterly exhausted and sore, she locked up the house before once again piling them all into Dudley's bed to take a nap. Surprisingly, she woke up alone. Harry and Dudley had woken up some time before she had, and left her sleeping in favor of running down the hall to the playroom. Feeling better than she had in awhile, Lily took the boys outside, stopped off at Miss Figg's to return the empty potion vials, and let the boys race around the park for an hour.

When Vernon came home from work that night, he entered a quiet home. Startled that petunia wasn't there to greet him at the door with a brandy, and no Dudley arrived to attach himself to his legs and demand attention, he felt rather lost as he checked the living room before walking down the hall to the kitchen. The scene he entered made him stop in the doorway. The radio was on, his wife humming along as she chopped something green and leafy before adding it to a steaming pot. Dudley and Harry were sprawled on the kitchen floor, discarded crayons and coloring books around them as they concentrated on building a city of blocks, books, and pots and pans. His wife didn't seem the least bit fazed as she walked over to the playing boys, nipped the colander off the top of their pile, rinsed it, used it to drain some kind of pasta, rinsed it again, and walked over to replace it on the top of their tower. The sink was stacked with used dishes, the floor had crayon marks on it, and something red and sticky was dripped on the table.

"Pet?" If he didn't know better, he would have sworn she stiffened at the sound of his voice. On the floor, Dudley and Harry went quiet, stopping their game as they gazed up at him.

"Hello, Vernon." Lily turned away from the pot she was stirring and gave the man a polite smile. "Good day at work? Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes, if you would like to change out of your work clothes."

"Right." He continued to stand in the doorway. "Are Harry and Dudley _playing_ together?"

"Hmm?" She turned to smile down at the boys. "Oh yes, this morning was a bit… rough, but they've been playing well together since they woke up from their nap."

"Dudley took a nap?"

"Of course he did, he's two. Two year olds need a nap."

"Oh. I mean, of course. It's just recently he's been refusing."

"Well, today he needed one." Turning away from her 'husband," Lily addressed the wary boys with a smile. "Time to clean up now. Crayons in the bucket and blocks to your play room."

Harry immediately began cleaning. Dudley turned and glared at his dad. "No, Daddy! Bad! Playing now, you go way!"

"Dudley!" Vernon gaped at his son in shock.

Lily snorted softly. Seems Dudley liked having a quieter home where he was allowed to play with his cousin. Lily had only had to get after him for not sharing twice. Overall, Harry was still the lesser of two evils when compared to the mean stranger who took away his pudding and crisps and sent him to his room when he threw a tantrum. Dudley was _not_ going to alienate his cousin over a few toys, and be left alone to deal with the woman who didn't talk to him in sugary tones and dote on his every move.

Bewildered over the actions of his wife and child, Vernon turned and left the kitchen to shower and change. When he returned, the mass on the floor was gone. There were still dirty dishes in the sink and the radio was still softly playing, but the boys were now sitting in their high chairs eating steamed vegetables and pasta with some kind of sauce, a sippy cup of milk close by. "Dudley!" His attention returned to his wife who was staring Dudley down. With a pout, the toddler dropped the pasta he was preparing to throw and took a sulky drink of milk. Satisfied, Lily returned to loading plates for her and Vernon.

"You still feeling a bit off, Pet?" Vernon slid warily into his seat, staring at the vegetables on his plate in dismay. And water to drink with dinner? Where was his customary glass of wine?

"Don't call me that."

"Pardon?" Still dismayed and poking at his plate, he glanced in confusion at his wife.

Lily calmly finished chewing her broccoli and took a sip of water before answering. "Pet. Don't call me that anymore. I am not your pet. I _hate_ that nickname."

"But I've always called you Pet."

"And you won't anymore."

Vernon looked at his wife. She looked tired still, and slightly tense. He turned and looked at the boys, both of whom were alternately playing with and eating their food while chatting happily in a language that was almost certainly not English. At least not proper English. His sense of unease increased as Lily bundled the boys upstairs after dinner, getting them changed and cleaned up before leaving them to play in the spare bedroom while she went in to clean up the kitchen. He sat in his favorite chair watching television, a large glass of brandy in one hand, the remote in the other, and listened to the sounds of his wife humming as she cleaned the kitchen. Eventually he became aware of the fact his house was unnaturally quiet, and got up to investigate. The kitchen was clean, though not as sterile as was usual for Petunia. The garbage sitting by the back door in preparation of being taken out in the morning. Walking upstairs, he followed the sounds of a soothing voice to Dudley's room. His wife was sitting on the bed, both boys curled up in Dudley's twin bed as she read them a story.

Dudley was already asleep, unused to the level of physical activity he had received today. Harry was lying on his side, watching his mother read with heavy eyes, one hand wrapped possessively around the hem of her bathrobe. She trailed off at the noise in the doorway, turning to look at Vernon in surprise. "Yes, Vernon?"

He looked horribly confused to see Harry lying in bed with Dudley. "Easier to deal with them together until you're feeling back to yourself?"

She smiled wryly, one hand reaching down to smooth Harry's wayward hair. "Something like that." Keeping her eyes on Harry as she rubbed soothing circles on his back, she spoke over her shoulder. "Was there something else you wanted?"

"I," he paused, uncertain how to address the change in his wife. "Did you do something with your hair?"

"Highlights." Lily spoke calmly, picking the book back up and turning to the correct page. "Are you off to bed then?"

"Err… yes?"

"Good night, Vernon. Sleep well."

He nodded, obediently turning away before pausing to frown at his wife's back. "Aren't you coming, Pet…unia?"

"In a bit. I want to finish Harry's story." She looked up at him briefly, giving him another polite smile, before dropping her head to the page. "…Pontoffel Pock, your wish has been heard, and your wish has been granted..."

Hours later she reluctantly entered the master bedroom. Harry had fallen asleep during _Pontoffel Pock, Where Are You?_ She had gone on to read _The Cat in the Hat_ out loud to herself before realizing she couldn't hide behind Dr. Seuss for the rest of the night. So she went to the kitchen and had a cup of tea while she opened her brand new planner and calendar, making a list of things to do for tomorrow. At some point she needed to make dentist appointments for both boys, as well as arrange visits to the doctor, both Muggle and magical. Neither boy had received their dTap shots – diphtheria, tetanus, acellular pertussis, and would also need the first of their Hep A shots. Lily and James had been forced into hiding immediately after Harry's birth, and the "temporary solution" had lasted right up until last Halloween. Both boys, therefore, would need to be immunized against Wizard's Pox, and receive boosting draughts that would enable their dormant magic to heal them quicker than Muggles without having to wait until their bodies matured. That meant a visit to St. Mungo's or a private magical healer, and Lily was simply not up to that yet. Maybe next week.

Without anything else to do, she had double and triple checked the locks, set the coffee pot for the morning, turned out all the lights, and quietly went upstairs to bed. Now she stood next to the bed, staring down at Vernon while she slept. There was absolutely nothing about the man she found appealing. True, he had been unaccountably kind to her today, but how long would this turn of joviality last? Until he received the bill from the supply store that Lily had _forgotten_ to mention? Until Harry did something that snapped his temper? Until _she_ did something he refused to abide? Lily was a proud witch, an independent woman, and didn't take kindly to bowing to others. James had grown up before she gave him more than a lingering look, and never would have tried to control or dominate her in any way. If anything, _she_ had been in charge. The house was in her name, the primary account was in her name, the Muggle account was in her name… but that was more of James not understand Muggle money and having the Potter fortune in his name than anything else.

How could Petunia have allowed herself to enter a marriage that was so utterly codependent? They had a joint savings account and the house was in both their names, thankfully, but other than that… Petunia didn't have her own savings account, and the cars were both in Vernon's name. That would need to change. Some time this week she would take her guardianship papers, go to the Muggle bank that she had used while alive, and transfer all the savings from Lily Potter's account into three separate accounts. She didn't have a lot, being as she primarily used the Gringotts account, but it was enough to start a savings account for her and two savings accounts for the boys. Maybe she could get a part time job during the day? Enroll the boys in a daycare for a few hours a day and use the time for herself or to work. That way when Vernon left she would have visible means of supporting herself and wouldn't put her custody of Harry in jeopardy.

She knew people were watching her. If they hadn't been before, they certainly were now. After all, hadn't dotty Miss Figg said her health was important to maintain? Magic could grease a lot of wheels, but if Vernon continued to be bewildered by the changes in his wife, enough to consider divorce or separation sooner rather than later, she could not let him wind up with Dudley. It was partly her fault he didn't have his own mother with him. Vernon would not make a suitable single guardian. So she would need to take steps _now_ that would ensure a successful future.

Lily kicked off her slippers and lifted the blanket. Vernon snored wetly, reaching up to rub at his face before shifting onto his side. Tears gathered in Lily's eyes. She couldn't do it; she couldn't crawl into bed with this man even to sleep platonically. She physically _couldn't_ without screaming for James. Stumbling slightly, she turned and left the room; walking down the hall to Dudley's room and once again moving the babies over enough to crawl into bed. Hopefully by the time she woke up she would have thought up a suitable excuse for avoiding her new husband.

HPHPHP

AUTHORS NOTE: I'm really sorry guys, but when I tried to respond to reviews it game me some weird error sign and then deleted the review response from my screen. SO, I promise I am not being a butt-head, I simply could not get any review responses to go through! Grr! Therefore I will break my self-imposed rule and respond to reviewers in the story just this once.

1. Lily didn't _technically_ kill Petunia. Her sister was weakened, ill, and in this reality would have died due to the nature of her illness. Lily just took advantage of the situation. While the laws of morally reprehensible actions may be a bit blurry, it was more about the fact of her helping to send her sister on her way and take advantage of the body left behind than murder. I tried to clear that up a bit more in the last chapter with the doctors explanation. However, if you would like to continue believing Lily killed Petunia, more power to you. If doesn't bug me, and the fact still remains she has possession of the body.

2. Lily is a clever witch, but is weakened. She can't just wiggle her nose and present a magical cure all. She's not Samantha from _Bewitched_. Yes, I understand that not much action is being presented right now. However, she nearly died _again_ due to the severity of her illness, and would have if her magical core would not have supported her. A contradiction of explanations, yes, I know. But there is a reason she can't do magic right now, and that is partially due to the fact her magic had to help her adjust to the new body. To top it all off, she is now a corpreal being, which means she is only _now _able to express signs of grief for her loss. Remember, there are five stages of grieving. We have passed denial... anyone know what's next?

3. Vernon... will be dealt with. I have to tell you I am currently writing chapter six of this story and there are times I flat out don't like the character of Lily that I am portraying. To that end, there are times I acutely feel for Vernon. And Dudley. And Moony, and Padfoot, and a whole host of canon characters. You may be blinking a few times and mutter, "Roo, you curly haired pycho, what in the hell do you think you are doing?" I am ok with that. Lily was TWENTY ONE when she died. As glowing a portrait as is painted for her in canon, NO ONE is perfect at that age. And, trust me, young mothers with two babies a month apart... cut Petunia a bit of slack. In the eary days of taking Harry in, she had it rough. Not to say her actions are in any way excuseable, but two babies that need to be walked through potty training and learning independence... would suck for anyone not named Mother Teresa.

SO, please bear with me. And lots of love to my reviewers, I LOVE reading your responses to this and am truly sorry that I could not respond.

Roo


	4. When Love and Hate Collide

Lily woke up to a suspiciously quiet home.

Stumbling out of bed, she wandered the house until she found the boys in the living room. The television was playing in the background, both boys alternating between watching cartoons and playing on the floor. They looked up at her arrival, Harry smiling sweetly and happily, Dudley eyeing her with a considering expression. "Chocolate."

Running a hand through her sleep-tousled hair, she returned the unimpressed look. "Coffee." Dudley looked confused, mentally comparing the word with ones he knew and liked. "I'll make you boys breakfast in a bit. Good job getting on so nicely together." Leaving them to their play, she turned and stumbled to the kitchen. Vernon had left a note on the counter, carefully worded to express displeasure over her sleeping arrangements, concern over her still unstable personality, and a mild threat to take charge if she couldn't seem to pull herself together. Lily tossed it into the bin with the used coffee grinds before making a fresh pot.

She scrambled eggs, shredded cheese, and popped toast in the toaster in an absent routine she had perfected in the early stages of her marriage. With James working as an Auror, Sirius bouncing from career to career in an attempt to emulate a Muggle whose sole job appeared to be "finding" himself, and so few people willing to help care for a werewolf, the Potter household had been the gathering point. It wasn't uncommon for her to stumble downstairs to find overly strong coffee left in the pot and three tired men slouched at the table. Before they had left to go into hiding, many a morning would be spent with her cooking her boys' breakfast before leaving for work. Course; when she was pregnant it had been different. Then, James would get up early and pop off to the diner across town and purchase the fresh scones she loved so much. Sirius went to a Muggle grocery store, bought every selection of caffeine-free tea they sold, and would have a surprise cup waiting for her on the table. Unless she had been ill that morning, in which case it was always a perfectly brewed cup of peppermint tea waiting for her. Remus would rub her belly in awe, her shoulders, her feet, and tell her she looked radiant and glowing, not fat and sweaty. And sometimes Peter would come over…

Harry started crying when he heard the crash, running into the kitchen to fling himself around her legs and start chanting her name. Startled out of her reverie, Lily looked around blankly before realizing her hands were shaking so hard she had dropped her coffee cup on the floor. "Ssh. Ssh, baby, don't cry. Mummy's sorry." She grabbed her son, lifting him up to hold him tight and press kisses to his cheek. "I was thinking about things I'm not ready to think about yet and dropped my coffee. Really, darling, we're ok."

Dudley stood in the doorway, eyes solemn as he watched Lily cuddle Harry. She reached out a tentative hand to him, but her nephew ignored her in favor of walking to the table and scrambling into his high chair. "Eat!"

"Yes, of course." She took one of the already semi-cooled plastic plates and set it on his tray, doubling back to grab one for Harry as well. Her baby refused to leave her lap, picking at his food with one hand clenched tight in the front of her robes. She let him sit there as she nibbled at her own toast and sipped her coffee. Guilt was burning her from the inside out. Of _course_ Harry would remember that night. _She _remembered that night. But was it damaging for him to react that way to her dropping a cup? Should she have him go see a psychiatrist or someone? For that matter, should she have _Dudley_ go talk to someone? He _had_ just lost his mother, and had almost literally watched her die, as one minute Petunia was fainting in a hospital room and the next a stranger who his cousin called "mama" was there.

She thought about it as she sat on the couch and watched the boys play. They had been fed and changed and that was good enough; they could hang out in their diapers for awhile. She was tired and sore, achy from the strain she subjected her body to the day before, discouraged from the memories of her pregnancy. She didn't feel like getting up or taking a shower, content to sit there and observe the kids as she waited for the delivery men to show up. It was amazing how resilient children of this age were. Watching them play and laugh, it was difficult to associate them with anything other than happy and well-adjusted children. Except she had been sleeping with them the last two nights. She knew that Harry sometimes tensed in his sleep, whimpering as he pressed his little fist to the scar on his forehead. And Dudley moved a lot in his sleep, letting out half-choked sounding sobs for his mummy, and clinging close to Harry for comfort and security.

With that in mind, she left the room to retrieve her planner and the purple book on the desk in the study where Petunia had listed all the important numbers. A phone call later, both boys were benefiting from a last-minute cancellation and were scheduled to see the Dursley family pediatrician at three that afternoon for immunizations. Flipping through the channels until she found a child-friendly program, Lily left the boys engrossed with _Once Upon A Time_ and hurried to shower and dress. She arrived back downstairs just in time to answer the door to the delivery men, and shut the boys in the living room while the men hauled the purchases up the stairs and into Dudley's room.

She contemplated doing the dishes, or vacuuming, or cleaning, and decided against it in favor of getting the boys out in the summer sunshine before they had to deal with the doctor. Leaving the bedroom an unorganized mess, she bathed and dressed the boys, packed a couple peanut-butter and banana sandwiches and sippy cups of apple juice, and walked them out the house and down to the park to let them run around while she flipped through the want ad sections of the paper. It was there Miss Figg found her, approaching Lily almost fearfully with a bit of parchment clenched tightly in her hands. "Good day to you, Mrs. Dursley."

Lily looked up, startled, before giving her neighbor a slightly puzzled smile. "Good morning, Miss Figg."

Miss Figg settled down on the bench next to her and watched the boys play. Lily looked between the boys, her neighbor, and the letter, before resuming her search of the paper. They sat in silence for awhile as Miss Figg built up her courage. "Do you remember me telling you how young Molly Weasley helped me care for Harry while you were in the hospital?"

"I do," Lily affirmed, folding her paper neatly in her lap and looking up. "It was very thoughtful of her to provide clothes for the boys as well."

"She's a very nice woman." Miss Figg paused and pursed her lips. "Have you ever heard of a man named Albus Dumbledore?"

"I have." Technically, it was true. The Headmaster had written a note to Petunia when he left Harry with her.

"He's a good man," the old lady clutched at the letter in her hands. "A good man," she repeated. "And he has… requested that no one from the magical world contact Harry. So that he can grow up normal-like and all. But Molly was a friend of Lily's, and her girl babe is turning one on tomorrow, and she would really like it if you would come and bring the boys." Lily blinked, accepting the parchment that was thrust into her hands. "We'd say you were a cousin of the family, that way no one will single you out."

You are cordially invited to attend the party of

Miss Ginevra Molly Weasley.

In honor of her

Turning one.

The celebration will begin:

Wednesday, August 11th, 1982

At the Burrow, 2pm – 5pm

"It's her only girl." Miss Figg very clearly read the look on Lily's face. "She's not trying to be pretentious; they're all just extremely excited."

"Of course." Lily stroked the parchment, remembering Harry's first birthday. Remus, Sirius, and Peter had all come over for cake and ice-cream, laughing as Harry seemed more interested in sticking the shiny bows in his hair and mouth than opening his presents. After dinner they had turned on the radio, and James had waltzed Lily around the room and whispered over what a good big brother Harry would be to their future children. Sirius had danced around the room with Harry, her baby shaking with the force of his deep bellowing laughs. Remus and Peter played cards at the table, Albus showing up later that night with presents and notes from friends who were not allowed to directly correspond with the Potter's. It had been a good day. A happy memory.

"Are you all right, Miss Dursley?"

"Of course," she repeated, wiping the damning tears from her face. _When_ would she be able to think about James or her life without breaking down? Summoning a smile from somewhere, she turned to her neighbor. "We'd be pleased to attend."

"Oh, good! I'll pass on the acceptance to Molly. You just come on over to my house tomorrow, and Arthur – the young man Molly married – will Apparrate you on over." Relieved to have completed her mission, the ladies chatted for a few more minutes before Miss Figg hurried off to the grocery story to purchase more cat food.

Lily watched the boys play, an absent look at her watch reassuring her they still had time, taking traffic into account, before they had to leave. So Dumbledore didn't want Harry exposed to magic, hmm? Whatever for? It made sense, in the abstract matter of thinking her previous Headmaster liked to employ, that no magical activity would keep him off the radar of people who knew how to trace such obvious signs. But Harry had been singled out due to the prophecy, had nearly lost his life, their family had been damaged beyond repair due to the threat that surrounded him. Her baby _needed_ to know that there were people out there who sought to harm him on multiple levels. The invitation in her hand clearly showed that not everyone was content to let Harry be raised by Muggles, but was _she_ ready to go back into the magical world?

She pondered this as she walked back to the house, changed the boys, packed a diaper bag, and loaded them into the car. Before last night when she realized she would need to take the boys to a magical doctor, and the moment she realized her magic was not to be trusted, she hadn't given the magical world a second thought. Her entire focus had been getting to her son, keeping him safe, watching over him as he grew. Taking control of Petunia's body had been an added bonus, a gift she couldn't refuse. But what had happened to her house? Her body? _James'_ body? Sirius, Remus, that cowardly betraying bastard Peter, Alice and Frank, Severus, _everyone?_ If this invitation was a sign that, though she was content to hide from it, magic refused to leave her be, she would need to get over herself and keep up to date on changes in her world, their world, _Harry's_ world.

The minute their names were called and they entered the examining room, both boys flipped out. Harry started screaming, clutching Lily so tightly his entire body started to shake. Dudley looked torn, having become slightly accepting of Lily's presence, and curled up on a chair crying for "mummy" and "mama" in alternating wails. Lily sat in the chair next to Dudley, shifting Harry until she could successfully settle them both on her lap, and rocked back and forth. She was still rocking, speaking to the boys in a low, soothing tone, when the doctor entered.

"This fear of Doctors is a new development for Dudley, but I've yet to see young Harry. Is this type of phobia consistent for him?"

Lily looked up and smiled wanly at the young brown-eyed doctor with blonde hair that stood before her. Michelson? Mikelsen? "It's been a rough week, ma'am," she finally settled on.

"Forgive me, Mrs. Dursley, I'm Dr. McAlister. Dr. Vinson didn't have any cancellations, so you were shifted to me. I gave Dudley his IPV when he was six months old." She looked at Lily expectantly.

"Oh, right. Sorry. I've forgotten." So this woman wasn't too familiar with Petunia Dursley. Lily's mind whirled as she glanced at the folder the doctor had set on the counter. Judging by the faintly disapproving look on the lady's face when she saw Lily cuddling Dudley, she had evidently _heard_ of her sister's coddling attitude, though. This could work well in her favor.

Harry was the first to calm, instincts on how to deal with strangers taking over and making him go quiet and compliant in Lily's arms. He didn't fuss as his mother gently detangled Dudley from her lap, stood, and placed him on the table. The minute Lily took a step back to give the doctor room, however, his big green eyes filled with tears and he reached for his mother. "Peaze? Mama, peaze? Good boy!" Tears started sliding down his cheeks, his voice rising until he was nearly screaming. "I good boy! Mama peaze! Peaze!"

Her heart broke, sympathetic tears for her son's distress gathering in her own eyes. Ignoring the doctor and Dudley's still lightly shaking form, she swept Harry into her arms and peppered him with kisses. "Of course you're a good boy, Harry! Mama's not leaving! The doctor just needs to look you over and make sure you're ok." She kissed his damp cheeks, letting him rub his forehead against her neck for comfort.

"Mrs. Dursley?" The doctor's tone of voice had gentled. "You may hold him in your lap while he receives his immunizations."

"Right." She smiled weakly. Dudley held up his arms in mute appeal. Lily picked him up and settled both boys on the table, smiling as they instinctively scooted closer together for comfort. Harry clung tightly to his mother, watching the doctor with solemn eyes and not making a sound as she administered his shots. Dudley jerked, his body going rigid and his eyes wide. He leaned forward, slightly away from Lily, and hesitated briefly before leaning back and accepting a comforting kiss on the head.

Dr. McAlister did not miss the motion, but waited until she had handed the boys stickers and they were settled on the floor before speaking. "Mrs. Dursley." She stopped, eyes flickering to the chart, before firming her jaw and continuing. "While I agree that all children are special and unique, and doubtlessly your child is perfect to you, I am a bit alarmed at both children's actions today. It isn't normal for either of them to become distressed to this degree. While I admit to having never seen your nephew Harry before, I do have to wonder if he has a history of abuse."

"Abuse?" Lily blinked, turning to gaze down at her son as he clutched her pant leg in one hand and his sticker in the other.

"He seems to have an instinctive fear of strangers. Most two-year-olds do not react to people hurting them by neither making a move to protest, nor making a sound."

"There weren't many instances where he was allowed to see adults growing up." She reached down and ran her fingers through Harry's hair, delighted and reassured by the soft texture. "We… his parents, had few people they came into consistent contact with. And while he liked those people, he didn't see them often. And then Vernon…" she stopped, reminding herself that he hadn't really physically harmed her son. "Well, it's been a difficult transition since he lost his parents."

"I see." Dr. McAlister looked at the boys thoughtfully. "Was he there when his parents died?" Lily nodded. The doctor's eyes widened. "Did he witness the event?" Lily's hands shook in response, her throat closing and robbing her of the ability to speak. The doctor seemed to nod to herself. "And Dudley?"

"Both boys were in the room when my sis... when I collapsed and had to be taken to surgery."

"They watched you collapse?"

"Yes."

"And how long were you in hospital?"

"Four days."

"I see."

Thankfully, the doctor changed the subject and continued on as if it were a normal visit. The boys were weighed and measured, reflexes tested, throat eyes and ears perfunctorily checked, and generally given a clean bill of health. Lily signed the release papers that would grant Dr. McAlister the right to a copy of Harry's health records from his previous pediatrician, and both boys were rewarded with another sticker. It wasn't until they were preparing to leave that the doctor excused herself briefly from the room. She returned a few minutes later with a list of activities Lily could work with the boys on, such as kicking a ball or jumping in place, recommended foods for toddlers, and… a list of names of specialists that were trained in Trauma-focused Cognitive-behavioral Therapy.

Therapy. The doctor thought her baby and her nephew needed therapy. Sure, she had suspected something like this and rushed the appointment accordingly, but the doctor wasn't supposed to _agree_ with her. She was supposed to smile, wave dismissively, tell her that the boys were amazing and her fears were all in her head. But to have not one but _several_ recommendations handed to her… was she a failure as a mother? She hadn't wanted to go into hiding, but by depriving her child of interaction with other children and adults, had she turned him into this pre-determined submissive shell of a child? Was she continuing to damage him, both boys, with her mere presence? Lily watched the boys obsessively as she changed them and fed them sliced apples and hot dogs with macaroni-and-cheese. Watched their body language, the way they sat, the way they interacted with each other, the way they held their utensils. They didn't _seem_ delayed or upset. But the way they had reacted to the doctor… in a way, both of them _had_ watched their mother die. That had to affect them somehow.

She was distracted in her interaction with Vernon, not even bothering to pay attention to his response when she told him that she would not be home for dinner tomorrow, was going to a birthday party and would eat there. She was distracted while she bathed the boys, set them to playing, washed the dishes, gave them tons of hugs, extra kisses, and Tylenol to counteract the slight fever the immunizations had given them; grateful for the consistency of routine that kept her focused. She was distracted while she read stories to the boys, to the point she only realized they were asleep when she realized she'd been staring at the wall in absolute silence for some time. Not even bothering to head to the master bedroom to change, she shifted Harry over and cuddled into bed with the boys fully clothed.

Her eyes opened at the crack of dawn. For once the first person awake, she left the boys sleeping and went downstairs to start coffee. She was sitting at the table when Vernon joined her. He looked rather surprised to see her sitting in the dark, drinking coffee, with no breakfast in sight, but smiled at her tentatively as he poured himself a cup. "Morning, Pet!" His back was to her so he missed her glare. "Feeling better?"

"Just fine, Vernon." Lily's voice was flat, but it couldn't be helped as an unbroken litany of therapytherapytherapy chanted through her mind.

"Good, good." Vernon opened the fridge, closed it, opened the freezer, closed it, and opened the refrigerator door again. "Listen, dear, I've thought of the perfect thing to help you out. The very thing! Just until you're on your feet again, hmm?"

Lily frowned, focusing on Vernon for the first time since he'd entered the kitchen. "I told you, Vernon. I'm fine."

"Course you are." He kissed her on the cheek, looking oddly uncomfortable as he hurried out the kitchen. "I'm off, lovekins. Have fun at Dudder's little friend's birthday." And then he was gone.

The morning passed in a blur. As was her newfound routine, she took the boys to the park. Every time they didn't kick the soccer ball, every time they stumbled while jumping, every time they tripped while walking, she worried that their reactions were delayed because she was a horrible person. A bad mother. The reason the children were not socially adapted and contributing members of society. Well, granted, they were only two, but because of her Harry and Dudley had nightmares. Had issues. Needed therapy. The guilt was nearly over whelming. It was with a heavy heart she dressed the boys and walked over to Miss Figg's.

"Morning, Mrs. Dursley! I'm Arthur Weasley." He was precisely as she remembered him – energetic, excitable, twitchy, and fascinated by everything around him. "I've recently gained an auto-mo-bile!"

"An a… an automobile?" Arthur Weasley with a Muggle vehicle. Scary. Lily blushed, rather ashamed with her uncharitable thoughts. It wasn't his fault she was tired and out-of-sorts. "Good for you, sir."

"None of that now, call me Arthur." He smiled down at the boys. "Well, best be off. Molly is frantic for everything to be perfect today. Woe to those who show up late!" A quick explanation of Apparition later, Lily found herself blinking in the yard of the Burrow. And oh, didn't that hurt.

Not the building itself, but the wards tingling around her, tickling the magic within her that she hadn't dared utilize since she'd made the peach explode. The sensation nearly brought tears to her eyes, making her remember Hogwarts, her work, their little home in Godric's Hollow. Harry obviously remembered the sensation as well, turning to his mother with a bright smile. "Daddy?"

"No, precious." Her voice was low, husky with suppressed emotion. Judging by the not-so-discreet way Arthur wandered away, the smile she managed to summon appeared rather sickly as well. "Daddy's not here. We're at a birthday party. For a friend. That you've never met." Harry looked around curiously, Dudley tugging on her hand as he tried to pull her towards the picnic table laden down with food. Magic was tingling in the very air all around her. "Oh, God, I can't do this."

"Are you really my cousin?"

Lily turned and looked down at the exact moment the child standing before her picked Dudley up and expertly settled the toddler on his hip. Red hair, freckles, chubby cheeks. Which one was this? "Erm… yes?"

"Oh." He seemed to accept this affirmation, sighing resignedly. "I'm Bill, _not_ Billy. I just turned twelve. That's old enough to go away with my friends for the summer except my _stupid_ sister had to have a birthday and so I have to help play the _stupid_ host since I'm the oldest." He scowled across the yard at a plump red-haired woman holding a mass of pink fluff. "Oh, yeah," he sighed again, rolling his eyes. "Welcome to the Weasley household, may I take your coat?"

She grinned down at the child before her, utterly and completely enchanted. "I'm not wearing a coat."

"Thank you." He beamed a smile at her, dimple flashing adorably in his cheek. He leaned forward, grabbing Harry's hand and dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Since you didn't bring a coat, I'll tell you a secret. Stay away from Great Aunt Tessie. She smells like rotten cheese. But my brother Charlie's ok, he's ten. Percy's a twat, but Fred and George make him cry when he gets too annoying, so you don't have to worry about him. Ronnie is about the same as these two, and since I'm the host I have to make sure they all survive the party un-traumatized."

"Billy! Billy, are you being polite to the guests?"

"_Bill_, mum. And yes, I'm taking these two to the others. Come along, lemmings." He winked at Lily before turning away, taking Harry and Dudley with him.

"Hello, dear!" Molly Weasley looked frazzled, pulling a startled Lily into a warm but slightly smothering hug. "You must be Petunia. I'm Molly, Molly Weasley. And this is my baby girl, Ginny." She gestured to the mass of pink in her arms, smile fading as the sound of shattering glass echoed from the kitchen. "Oh for the love of…" she sighed before thrusting Ginny into Lily's surprised arms. "Hold her for a moment, yeah? Fred! George! What did I tell you about playing in the kitchen!"

"That Ginny doesn't go on the stove?"

"If we touch the table of food we'll die?"

The mass of fluff, after Lily batted away several layers of lace and tulle, did indeed reveal itself to be a red-headed baby. Ginny looked absolutely miserable, gazing up at Lily in resignation as Molly raced back inside the house. "Hello, little one." Ginny sighed, turning her head to look up at the leaves dancing in the breeze. "Are you wearing two dresses?"

"Three." Lily turned in time to catch a blonde-haired baby as a dreamy woman with nearly platinum hair pulled Ginny out of her other arms. "Lovely to see you again, Lily." The woman hadn't looked at her once, content to let Lily hold her child as she waved her wand over Ginny and peeled away layers of cloth. "Molly couldn't decide on what to dress Ginny in, so she mixed three dresses together, silly woman. Sorry about your death, and all; nasty business, that. I hope someone hung cinnamon twigs in the branches in case a Phoenix decides to land and get reborn. Luna, stop eating your hair."

She didn't know whether or not to be concerned that the conversation hadn't bothered her in the slightest. "I let a twelve-year-old take my baby and trust him more to look after him than I trust my sister's husband," she returned. "Your little girl's name is Luna? She's precious. Did you know she has radishes on her hair barrette? Wait… What did you call me?"

Ginny was absolutely thrilled to suddenly reclaim usage of her arms and let out a happy squeal. "They're not radishes, they're Dirigible Plums, to help enhance the extraordinary. Lily is your name, hence the address. Unless you would like me to call you something else? Vivian, maybe? That would be nice. I'm Gaia Lovegood. Astrobiologists believe that the Earth gave birth to the moon, so I knew she would be a girl. Did you always know Harry would be a boy?"

"I had an ultrasound," she dazedly replied.

"Oh, Gaia, what _have_ you done to her dress?" Molly was distraught as she reclaimed her happy daughter from Gaia's arms. "It's ruined."

"No." The blonde reclaimed her own child and settled Luna under her arm like a football. "I made it so the Blibbering Humdinger's didn't notice her plight and choose to suffocate her. Well, I'm off to let Luna wade barefoot in your pond, must teach them at an early age to enjoy the senses of the world. Vivian, darling, owl me and we'll have tea."

"Vivian?" Molly watched Mrs. Lovegood retreat with a wary eye before turning back to Lily. "I thought your name was Petunia?"

"It is."

"Yes, well, never mind her. She's always been a bit _off_, really. Much like her husband..."

The afternoon was surprisingly pleasant. Lily ate, played games, and chatted with strangers who accepted her as a Weasley and didn't single Harry out. Ginny was more interested in the shiny bows than the actual gifts themselves, and cried when her mother tried to get her to blow out the candles. Bill stepped in and helped clean up the mess, little Ginny happily crawling around in a diaper for awhile before being stuffed into another frilly dress. Harry and Dudley ran around screaming with the other kids, played games, ate cake and ice-cream, didn't so much as blink when the four-year-old twins accidentally turned their hair blue, and eventually passed out under a tree. In no hurry to get back to Privet Drive, Lily helped clear away the remains of the food while Molly and Arthur said good-bye to the guests, and was sitting at the bench sipping a cup of tea when the Weasley's joined her.

"So happy you could come, Petunia." Molly looked exhausted, giving a slightly critical look to where her youngest four children, Harry, and Dudley were sleeping, before deciding to leave them there in favor of a cup of tea. "It's been just awful about Lily and James, and then with you having to go to hospital like that… I just wanted you to know that I always thought of Lily as daughter. She was so young when she had Harry, and we became rather close when she joined the Order." Tears glistened in her warm brown eyes. Arthur wrapped a supportive arm around his wife's waist which seemed to help her collect herself. "I just wanted you to know that if you need anything, please come to us and we'll do what we can to help."

"Thank you." Lily's throat was tight. Molly had been pregnant with Ron around the same time she had been pregnant with Harry. Already a veteran with five kids, Molly had taken the twenty-year-old under her wing and taught her everything she knew about surviving childhood. Lily sipped at her tea to loosen her throat. "She always spoke to highly of you." Molly beamed, looking weepy all over again. For the first time since coming into a body, Lily realized that more people than simply Harry had been affected by her death. "Lily also spoke about her friend Alice Longbottom? I'm surprised she wasn't here with her son. And Remus Lupin? Wasn't he close to your family as well?"

The change that came over the adult Weasley's was astounding. Arthur stiffened, Molly pursed her lips, and both of them went very quiet and still. Lily looked between the two of them in shock. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No." Arthur recovered first, tightening his hold on his wife. "Of course you didn't know. How could you have? Alice and her husband Frank are in the hospital, cursed senseless. The man who killed your sister had some… acquaintances, that thought the Longbottom family knew where their Master had vanished to after little Harry somehow managed to survive."

"And dear Remus," Molly's voice was shaking as badly as her hands. "Well, he just couldn't stand the thought that Sirius had betrayed Lily and James. And what with Dumbledore hiding Harry away from everyone, he just, well, he just left one day."

Lily sat there in shock. Alice and Frank were _gone_? Put into the hospital by Death Eaters? But _why_ would they have been attacked? Harry was the child who fit the prophecy – that's why _he_ had been attacked. And Remus had left because…. "Wait, you think Sirius Black sold us, I mean, sold Lily and James out?"

"Nasty business." Molly's mouth tightened before she forced herself to relax. "But never you mind, dear. He's locked up tight in Azkaban and poses no threat to your family now."

Somehow, Lily managed to make it through twenty more minutes of polite conversation before waking the boys and using the Floo to Miss Figg's. She smiled and chatted about the party, trying to ignore the rage that was building inside her. Her Jaime was dead, her baby needed therapy, Remus thought his pack was destroyed, one of her best friends was in the long-term care ward at St. Mungo's, and Sirius was in Azkaban. _What the hell was going on in her world?_ Had everything simply fallen apart when she died? Sirius wouldn't survive in Azkaban, no one could. And Remus… he had loved them so much. No wonder he had vanished. How could she have been so selfish to not give a thought to anyone else besides her baby?

Vernon's car was parked in the driveway, loud voices drifting out the window as Lily carried the two sleepy toddlers back to the house. Oh, Right. Vernon's plan to make everything better was supposed to happen tonight. Weary, heart-sick, and terribly angry and sad, Lily set the boys down before opening the door and entering the house. Stopping dead in her tracks at the sight of Vernon and his sister Marge sitting on the couch drinking brandy.

"Pet!" Vernon struggled to his feet at the sight of her.

"I told you not to call me that." His smile faded at the flat tone of her voice.

"There's my little Duddi-kins!" Marge's voice rose to a drunken wobble as she reached her hands out to him. "Come give Auntie Marge a kissie!" Dudley whimpered and clutched onto Lily's pant leg.

"Boys, go upstairs, I'll be up in a minute to give you a bath." She didn't have to look down to know they obeyed her. "Vernon, why is Marge here? I specifically told you I didn't need help."

Vernon faltered. Marge glared up at Petunia. "Now, see here. No one talks to my brother like that in his own home! Vernon, sit down!" he sat. "Now, Petunia, I'll be staying bout a week to help you get things in order. Your house is a disgrace! Imagine leaving dishes in the sink while you go off gallivanting who knows where. Fetch me another brandy before you go wash them."

Lily stared at the both of them before silently turning to the liquor cabinet and fetching the bottle of brandy. Clinically, her mind knew there were five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. She was past denial. Emotionally, after the shocks and revelations she had received today, she welcomed the anger that burned through her veins as she turned and re-entered the living room.

"… just need to take a firm hand with her, Vernon. I see it all the time in breeding, bitches that rise above their stations…"

Marge cut off her ranting with a scream as Lily hurled the bottle of brandy as hard as she could at the window. Glass shattered, from both the bottle and the window. From upstairs, Lily could clearly hear the sound of distressed crying. It only fueled her anger.

She glared at Vernon and Marge. "There will be no more drinking in my home. Vernon, I expect your sister gone as fast as can be arranged. Marge, you're here now and it's late. I will allow you to stay the night in _my_ home. But it you want the bloody dishes done, get off your fat arse and wash them. You will not criticize me, you will not attempt to order me about _in my home_, and you will not force yourself upon Harry or Dudley. Is that understood?"

Without waiting for an answer, Lily looked out the window where the nosy neighbors had come out and were staring in shock. She smiled and waved cheerfully at them. Turning back to the shell-shocked Dursley's, she gave them a fierce glare before stomping up the stairs to calm the toddlers and put them to bed for the night.


	5. A New Attitude

"Gordon! Gordon, come quick!"

Gordon Polkiss sighed, rolling his eyes. A phone call from a neighbor, and his dear wife had gone running out of her house in her bathrobe and slippers. Not five minutes later, he could hear her shrieking in excitement as she ran back up the walk way. "What now?" he sighed. His wife burst through the door and headed straight to the cupboard under the stairs, muttering under her breath as things fell and crashed around her. She emerged from the cupboard a moment later, and Gordon _stared._

Her curlers were unraveling, her bathrobe hanging off one shoulder, a wild light of fear lighting up her eyes as she brandished a golf club. A nine iron, he absently noted. "Gordon, please! Imogen's run home to call the bobbies. Vernon Dursley's flipped!" And then she ran out the door, brandishing the golf club over her head like a solider heading off to battle.

HPHPHP

Lily made it half-way up the stairs before Vernon grabbed her arm and whirled her around to face him, shaking her lightly. She jerked her arm out of his grasp, pushing him away from her slightly. "Don't touch me!"

"Now, Pet…"

"You will _not_ call me that anymore. If you feel the urge to visit with your sister, feel free to go home with her for a few days."

A slight pause. "You want me to leave my home?"

"Honestly? Yes. Right now I can't stand the sight of you."

"Mama?"

Harry was standing at the top of the stairs, tears streaming down his face as he held Dudley's hand and stared at her with wide eyes. "Go to the play room, baby." Her voice sounded strained, not reassuring as she had hoped.

The anger was building in Vernon, she could practically taste it, but she was still surprised when his hand came up and he back-handed her across the face. From outside, someone screamed, muttering about calling in the coppers, the sound of running feet taking off down the road. She stared at Vernon in shock, one hand pressed against her burning cheek.

"What is the _matter_ with you? Everything was fine until _that boy_ came into this home. Is he responsible for this? Because I swear I can drop him off at an orphanage today." His head jerked back in shocked surprise when she slapped him back.

Lily glared at Vernon, so unspeakably angry she had trouble breathing. "How _dare_ you," her voice was a hiss of rage. Vernon visibly wilted, one hand still pressed to his inflamed cheek. "Harry is a o_baby_. You want the truth? If it weren't for Harry I wouldn't even _be_ here! In fact, I want you gone. Tonight."

"Petunia…"

"No. I don't know if it is permanent or simply for a few days, but the very sight of you right now makes me sick. Pack a bag. You can stay with Marge when you take her home _tonight._"

"But, Petunia, we can work this out. I love you…"

"I don't love you." Lily flinched at the wounded look on Vernon's face, but ruthlessly squashed her guilt. She didn't have time to deal with Petunia's husband right now. And, sadly, given the amount of time he spent with Dudley when he _was_ home, she doubted the boy would even realize his father was gone until the weekend. Still… the shove knocked her off balance. Her head smacked into the wall, her shoulder jarred against the hand railing. Lily landed at the bottom of the stairs, winded, aching, Harry and Dudley's hysterical crying ringing in her ears.

"No, Vernon," Marge sounded hushed, slightly frightened. "I agree she needs to be taught her place, but not like this."

Vernon stomped down the stairs, grabbing Lily by her hair and forcing her to her feet. "What is the matter with you?" Spittle hit her cheek. She desperately wanted to tell him that he'd already _said_ that and to come up with something more original, but his forearm was pressed against her throat, her nails scraping his skin as she fought to get him off her. "Who do you think you are? We _agreed_, we agreed when we took him in that we would stamp out that rubbish!"

Lily brought her knee up and slammed it between Vernon's legs, unspeakably grateful to Sirius and Mad-Eye Moody for teaching her how to fight. Vernon might not be a Death Eater, but right now he was the enemy. Her head hurt, her body ached, her babies were crying. Lily staggered to the stairs, the thought of getting to her kids and protecting them half formed in her mind. Vernon grabbed her ankle, her chin knocking against the corner of the step as she once again fell. "That _bloody_ boy ruined everything!"

Eugenia Polkiss burst through the unlocked door, swinging a golf club and screaming as she brought it down across Vernon's back. "Get off my best friend, you crazy bastard!" Vernon was howling, curling up into himself as much as his girth would allow, but Eugenia kept swinging her weapon, headless of where the blows landed.

Lily ignored the scene below her, swaying slightly as she gained her feet and hurried up the stairs. She didn't know if the sirens in her ear were real or not, but they were superseded by the crying of her babies. Lily entered the play room, collapsing to her knees as she saw Harry and Dudley curled up in the corner bawling. She opened her arms weakly, ignoring her aches and pains as both boys screamed "Mama!" and rushed to her. One good thing to come from tonight, she mused, kissing their little heads, is that for the first time she truly felt Dudley was _hers_. Not her nephew, not Petunia's son, _hers_. And just like with Harry, she would do anything and everything to keep them both safe.

She flinched when the hand landed on her shoulder, tightening her hold on the crying toddlers, but it was only Eugenia. "Dear God, Petunia." The brunette was pale as she wrapped her arms around Lily's shaking body. "Has he done this before? Gordon's got him now, and Imogen ran home and got Bobby. The police are here. There's not much they can do over a Domestic Disturbance, but they're taking him in overnight to cool down." Hands smoothed over Lily's hair, Eugenia's voice going soft. "They want to talk to you."

"No."

"Petunia…"

"No, I can't." She didn't move from where she was sitting, rocking Harry and Dudley. The boys had gone quiet, holding onto her tightly as they whimpered and drifted off to sleep. "I need to stay with my babies." She couldn't get her arms to relax around them. She was the mother. She had to keep them safe.

"Ma'am."

Lily looked up, eyes haunted. So much grief in such a short amount of time. There wasn't much more she could take. The officer standing in the doorway flinched at the battle-weary look in her eyes. But there wasn't much he could do – protocol was protocol. His partner was interviewing the neighbors gossiping on the lawn, Vernon was crying in the back of the cop car, and he needed to interview the victim. Lily closed her eyes, continuing to rock the boys to sleep while she clinically told the officer about the fight. She refused to go to the hospital, though, as that would mean leaving her children. Imogen – a blonde-haired neighbor Petunia had apparently liked to gossip with – hurried up the stairs and helped get the boys to bed, while Eugenia took Lily into the bathroom and helped her get cleaned up and changed. In the end, there was little more the police could do. It was 1982, and while the British legal system was a tad more evolved than its American counterpart, there were still limited resources or options available for situations like this. Marge stormed into the guest room to wait until she was able to collect her brother from his twenty-four hour lockdown, the officers handed out cards with their office numbers on them and left, and the house settled down as the neighbors on the lawn went back to their own homes.

Voices were drifting up the stairs as Lily checked on the boys. They were cuddled up in Dudley's bed, Harry's bed still not put together, clinging together in sleep. She straightened the blankets, smoothed their hair, kissed their foreheads, and softly shut the door behind her. The pictures on the wall above the stairs were crooked, one having fallen off and crashed onto the floor. Lily ran her fingers over the smooth glass of the frames as she navigated her way down the stairs, unaccountably angry that all the pictures of Harry, of James, of their little familial unit, were still out in Godric's Hollow. She would need to get them. Dudley was hers now, as much hers as Harry, and she needed to turn this into a home for the both of them.

That thought prevalent in her mind, the sight of her own blood on the wall pissed her off. She stared at the slight smudge on the wall. Hardly aware of her own actions, she moved to the cupboard under the stairs, kicked Harry's old cot out of the way, and grabbed a hammer. The voices in the kitchen stopped at the first satisfying crunch of metal against plaster. The third had two shadows moving into the kitchen doorway, two more moving into the doorway separating the hall from the living room. "Petunia?"

Lily reached up and moved sweaty strands of hair from her face. The people before her were complete strangers. Neighbors, friends of Petunia's, who had rushed to her aid when the situation escalated from merely a great piece of gossip. "Hello." They continued staring at her like she was insane. "I hate small hallways."

The skinny blonde cautiously walked down the hall from the kitchen to the living room and gripped her husband's arm. "Bobby, should we call someone?"

Bobby watched Petunia Dursley swing the hammer at the wall with a bitter smile on her face. "No," he spoke slowly, patting his wife's arm reassuringly. "No, Imogen, I think she's just fine." His eye caught the flash of blood against the hideous floral wall paper. "I think it's kind of like when I go fishing instead of going to church with you on Sunday's. We all gotta find our own kind of peace."

"Petunia?" Eugenia Polkiss flinched as a large piece of plaster crashed to the floor and her friend _giggled_. "Don't you think you should wait until you're feeling better before you indulge in this sort of…" she trailed off helplessly, exchanging wide-eyed looks with Imogen as a large hole appeared the entire way through the wall and her friend whooped in delight. "Feeling more rested," she finished lamely.

"I'm fine." She wasn't really. She ached something fierce. Nevertheless, Lily tossed her head and flashed a smile. "I'm jaded and battle-weary. I was once blasted through a wall, slashed on my side, and had my nose broken all in one night. I'll be fine." It took a couple more whacks of the hammer before she became aware of the unnatural silence. Confused, she looked over and noticed the men standing with clenched jaws and hands balled into fists, the two women simply looking stricken. "Not by Vernon," she reassured quickly. "It was a war."

"A war. Right." The two men exchanged glances. Gordon looked sick, shaking his head before walking back into the living room to knock the remaining glass out of the window and place a board over the window. Bobby scratched the back of his neck, looking awkward. "Well, I'll just pop on over to the house and get the sander. Don't want the boys getting splinters from the rough wood on the… err, new door frames." He patted Lily on the shoulder before fleeing.

Eugenia fluttered her hands nervously. "I'll just go put the kettle on."

"I'll help." Imogen fled to the safety of the kitchen.

Lily ignored them all, pausing in her demolition long enough to pop into the kitchen for the radio before returning to smashing down the wall. Singing along to the Rolling Stones, she gave a rebel yell and poured out her frustrations and anger into knocking down the wall. Her husband was dead. _Smash!_ She found out her friends were destroyed through a conversation at a birthday party. _Crash!_ Although _she_ didn't feel married, she now needed to file for a divorce from Vernon Dursley. She kicked the wall for that one. Bobby didn't say a word when he came in and found her kicking the wall with tears running down her face. He simply moved her aside and started smoothing down the rough edges of the frame while Gordon, now finished with the window, picked up the chunks of plaster and wood and ran them out to the bin.

She sat at the kitchen table, drinking tea with the neighbors, until after midnight. Long after they left, with promises to check in on her tomorrow, she sat there and stared into space. How had it all gone so pear-shaped? She'd been nineteen when she married James. Nineteen and so idealistic. James had grinned at her, pinched her bum, singing along to _Ring My Bell_ by Frederick Knight, telling her she could ring his bell any old time she wanted. Alice Longbottom had groaned at the joke, and they had ditched the boys to sway with their gal pals to _The Pina Colada Song_. Trying to ignore the reality of the war raging around them. They'd danced the YMCA for goodness sakes! Her parents had already died, Petunia had turned down the invitation, and it was the last time that James' parents were out and about – struck down by a curse a mere six months later. She'd felt so happy, so giggly and excited and ready to begin a new life as a wife and mother.

And now…Sirius was in Azkaban. _How_ could people believe he would sell out the Potter's? His love for them was notorious. James was gone, Remus had fled to who-knows-where, and Alice, her matron-of-honor, was in St. Mungo's. And instead of being there, she was stuck here. In Surrey. Lily spent the night locked in Dudley's room with the boys.

In the morning she awoke with nearly maniacal energy. The snoring coming from the guest room made her pause on the landing and glare, but she ignored it and went downstairs to start coffee. She locked Ripper the dog in the backyard, and skipped breakfast in favor of drinking coffee while she penned two notes. The first note was simple and easy to write.

_**Dear Prime Minister Millicent Bagnold,**_

_**My name is Petunia Dursley, sister to recently deceased Lily Evans Potter. I am writing to request permission to visit Sirius Black in Azkaban. There are things I wish to say to his face that would lose meaning in a letter. Any assistance in this matter would be appreciated. **_

_**Sincerely, **_

_**Petunia Evans Dursley**_

The second letter took a bit more thought and energy.

_**Dear Potions Master Severus Snape,**_

_**My name is Petunia Dursley; you may remember me from childhood. Some recent events have been brought to my attention and I find myself deeply distressed by them. I was hoping you would consent to visiting for tea one day, any time that is convenient for you, so that we may talk. Please respond as soon as you are able. I could really use your help, Sev.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Petunia Evans Dursley**_

Her house was a mess. Shattered glass, dust, and splinters of wood covered the floor of the living room and hallway. The plywood over the window making the whole area appear dark and depressing. She saluted the room for matching her mood, though she was pleased by how much more spacious the floor plan looked with an open hallway. She called the local repair place, relieved when they promised to come out around 4:30 that afternoon to repair the damage, then ran across the street to Miss Fig's house, arranging for an owl to deliver her letters and placing a Floo call to Gaia Lovegood. Returning home, Lily had the boys up, dressed, fed, taken for their morning jaunt to the park, and loaded into the car without Marge's heavy snores interrupting once. "Even if she were here to help me," she complained to the boys as she drove, "it wouldn't be much benefit when she sleeps the damn morning away."

"Truck." Harry agreed.

"Bus!" Dudley grinned, liking the word, and the two boys sang the words to themselves while Lily turned up the radio.

They stopped at the B&Q for primer and paint, throw pillows, and new locks for the doors. Lily even picked up a couple how-to books in case she felt the energy to be more adventurous at a later date, before taking the boys to a deli for lunch. A glance at her watch convinced her to find a way to kill time, so they braved the grocery store to stock the pantry up before driving over to Juniper Drive for awhile, admiring the waterfront and feeding the ducks. Then she bit the proverbial bullet and drove back to Surrey.

She'd let enough time pass, thankfully, as neither Vernon nor Marge were around when she returned. The kids were naturally inquisitive over the newly widened hallway, forcing Lily to shoo them out to play in the backyard while she changed the locks, dusted, and vacuumed. The boys were sitting in their high chairs with milk and sandwiches when the glass repair man arrived to fix the window. She signed the invoice with a flourish, resigned to using credit cards until she could get sorted. Then, with no responses to her letters, she locked the house up and went to bed.

The following morning she switched to tea, far too jittery for caffeine. Gaia would be coming by in a bit to pick up Harry and Dudley, keeping them for the day and overnight while Lily did what she needed to do. She didn't want to leave the boys overnight, didn't want to let them out of her _sight_, truth be told, but it made no sense to have them underfoot and breathing in fumes while she painted and went… well, she wasn't ready to drag the boys into that aspect of her life yet.

"Vivian! A-hoo-wah!" Gaia Lovegood threw open the door to the house with a flourish, pausing to closely inspect her surrounding. "Hmm, I don't approve. This place is ripe to draw the attention of a Bane Sidhe. Never let anyone in that's wearing a green dress and a grey cloak, all right? I'll bring you some Dragon's Blood to burn around the house as well. For best results, I suggest dancing naked while smothered in melted chocolate, to really weed out the dark corners of the house. Luna is thrilled to have companions around the house for a time. But we must talk meditative techniques – do you prefer the boys to chant, or can I levitate them to the ceiling with Luna during morning worship?"

"Oh. Erm… you can levitate them, though Dudley might get scared as he's never been levitated before. Thank you for agreeing to keep them overnight. I feel the urge to paint and don't want them breathing in fumes. I thought about asking Molly…"

"Nonsense! She'd smother Harry with love and poor Dudley would feel even more left out than he already does! And Xenophilius is _thrilled_ to have boys around the house for the night. He even made the stairs promise not to bite anyone."

In short order, the sleepy boys were packed up and apparrated away, and Lily had gone to a rental unit and signed out a truck before driving to Godric's Hollow. She sat in the truck for the longest time, simply staring at the house that had been her home. The flower beds she'd planted during the nesting stage of her pregnancy, the wind chime she'd hung outside the window, the one red shingle on the roof from a prank Sirius had pulled, the slab of cement by the door where they had all pressed an imprint of their feet in. Shaking like a leaf, she climbed out of the vehicle, slammed the door, and walked past the gentle tickle of the wards. And then it got worse.

The wards she had laid were not all legal. Some relied on her blood, blood unwillingly taken – she mentally winced an apology to Remus, and enchanted objects. But while pregnant she had a dream that she had given birth to snakes instead of a baby, and that had somehow resulted in her warding the house separately from the property, preventing all but a select few from entering. James had been alarmed to wake up and find his wife outside in the middle of a storm wearing nothing but a t-shirt, but with the war and the threat to their family hanging over their heads, he hadn't questioned her and had simply calmed her down and put her back to bed. It had paid off, though. There were trampled flowers, footsteps in the dirt around the front walk – from enemies, friends, grave robbers, who knew. But though Lord Voldemort had somehow slipped past, they couldn't get past her wards and the house remained as it was left that night. The house was quiet, so quiet and still. She kept waiting for a mischievous smile to appear around the corner, a bright laugh, the tell-tale snicker before a prank was pulled off. But the kitchen table, though covered in dust, still had their chairs pushed out from when they had fled in such a hurry. The pictures were still on the mantle piece, self-dusting charms making them gleam in the weak morning light. She knew if she were to go into the kitchen, the dinner dishes would still be in the sink.

In direct contrast, an unfamiliar breeze was drifting down the stairs. Following the draft, Lily blanched when she saw the shell the nursery had become – a jagged hole to the outside world where the wall should have been, the ceiling caved in from the force of the magical backlash, scorch marks adorning the remaining walls. Harry had managed to perform some serious magic when he refused to die. Leaving the room, she walked down the hall to the master bedroom. James' cologne was sitting next to her perfume on the vanity, a towel crumpled on the floor from Harry's bath that fateful night, their clothes hanging neatly in the closet. The house didn't seem empty. It seemed expectant. Like a movie placed on pause, there was something wrong with the utter stillness and normalcy of the scene before her. But she couldn't fall apart now. This wasn't her life anymore. Trembling, she opened the hope chest at the foot of the bed, removed the thick quilt, and began packing up her old life.

The pictures went in first. Harry's baby book and memorabilia box, albums filled with mementos – delicate things that would crumble over time if not properly cared for. She moved on to the practical after that; the charmed box with copies of their will, bank statements, deed to the house, diplomas. Birth certificates, copy of her social security card, her great-grandmother's wedding ring that she kept duct taped behind the toilet. Then the little things, the things she couldn't bear to part with. The jade barrettes her mother had bought her for her sixteenth birthday simply because they matched her eyes, the dress she had been wearing when James proposed to her, James favorite sweater, his Auror robes, her badge to get into the ministry, their favorite books, the end table he had inherited from his uncle that he had so loved. She went into the spare bedrooms, collected more pictures, the crystal vase Alice had given her as a wedding present, the bedspread she had bought at a yard sale for five pounds that kept her warmer than any enchanted blanket during her pregnancy.

Having gone into the kitchen to collect garbage bags to put stuff in, she allowed herself a single sad smile over the dirty dishes before she shut her emotions down and continued to pack. In the end her truck was loaded and she was exhausted. Having to go into hiding, they had not been allowed the luxury of taking much. Therefore, each and every item in the house was precious to her. They were the things around which they had built their home, their life. It broke her heart anew that not everything would fit into the truck. But she left with their old school trunks, her hope chest, the kitchen table, the end table, half the library, and bags and bags of garbage bags filled with personal items. Then she ran back inside to grab the three quarts of ice-cream in the freezer filled with their "emergency funds." James had laughed himself silly over that one, but few wizards would think to search out Galleons and Muggle currency in ordinary items.

Arriving back in Surrey, she hauled everything out of the truck and into the garage, returned the truck, and passed out fully clothed on the couch. Waking hours later, she took a hot shower, made a sandwich, and crossed over to Miss Figg's to Floo Gaia and check on the boys. "Of course they're fine, Vivian! They're swimming."

"Swimming?" Lily dropped her sandwich on the floor, scooting closer to the flames in alarm. "Harry doesn't know how to swim! And I don't know if Dudley does either."

"You don't need to know how to swim to swim, Vivian. We just stuffed them full of Gillyweed and let them play with the Snorkling Humdingers in the creek. Children who can breathe under water are less likely to be hurt, after all."

"Imagine that."

"Oh I don't want to, thanks all the same. I can imagine so many better things, like wrappers that don't stick to lollipops no matter how many times they are licked before wrapped. Or eye glasses for chickens to prevent them from pecking each other's eyes out. Wouldn't that be sensational?"

Returning home, she started in Dudley's room, shoving all the furniture into the middle of the room and taping along the borders. As the walls were already a plain boring white, she cheated and skipped the primer, smoothing a light blue paint onto the walls as Kim Carnes blared _Betty Davis Eyes_ from the radio. She danced while she painted, finishing the walls in Dudley's room and moving to the boys' playroom while Foreigner sang out that he'd been waiting for a girl like her. REO Speedwagon and Journey carried her though painting primer onto the living room and dining room walls, and then she took a break. Drinking coffee and eating ice-cream straight out of the carton while Juice Newton carried on over _The Queen of Hearts._ Though she did feel a bit ridiculous shimmying about while Olivia Newton John and Blondie sang her through the second coating of paint on the upstairs rooms.

Lily cheered right along with Sheena Easton, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers getting her through the first coating of paint in the dining room, and then, rather dizzy off paint fumes, she took coffee and an apple outside and lay on the grass until her head stopped spinning. "…all the boys think she's a spy, she's got Betty Davis eyes…" she sang to herself, giggling, before dragging herself up and back into the house. She finished the first coating of the living room singing along to Air Supply and Barbara Streisand at the top of her lungs, and as The Police declared _Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, _she finished painting and passed out on the couch at three in the morning

She woke up stiff, sore, and cranky around eight. Having forgotten to put away her supplies, congealed paint coated her brushes and plaster dust stirred whenever she moved. Coffee'd out, she drank a glass of water and had a bowl of cold cereal, excited as an owl slowly came closer to the house. Who had responded first? Shaking with a confusing mixture of dread and anticipation, she accepted the letter, only slightly worried as the owl flew off without waiting for a response.

_**Mrs. Petunia Dursley,**_

_**While I regret that recent events have caused you untold distress, I feel there is nothing I can say or do to be of service to you in any way. Lily was a special and talented individual, and yes, I do remember you from childhood. I am certain the memories I have of you are as pleasant as the ones you hold of me. Unfortunately, Lily made the decision to sever our friendship over an argument when we were fifteen. Since then, I have had little to no contact with her. She made the decision to choose a different crowd than I, and met with a fate I would not have wished. Much as it pains me, I do not know more of Lily than the fact she was a willful, stubborn, selfish, determined, gifted child. I am sorry for your loss. Do not contact me again.**_

_**Cordially,**_

_**Potions Master Severus Snape **_

On the first day of flying lessons, eleven-year-old Lily had slipped from her broom and fallen the five feet to the ground. The impact hadn't harmed her, but it had made the breath whoosh from her body like she had been forcefully immobilized. The feelings she was feeling now were largely similar. Severus wasn't going to help her? Couldn't even be bothered to come to tea to meet with the sister of his dead best friend? Oh, but it was former best friend, wasn't it? Lily re-read the letter, smiling over the descriptions he had used to describe her. Selfish. She had been selfish, hadn't she? She'd gone to Hogwarts, Severus her only friend and connection to the Muggle and magical world, and allowed herself to be dazzled. Even with the war going on around her, she just couldn't _fathom_ that anything other than the blackest of black and the whitest of white existed. At fifteen, she just couldn't understand the gray scale. And when Severus – humiliated, defensive, vulnerable – had called her a nasty name, she had turned her back on him.

Her nerves were jangling from continued abuse, caffeine, and adrenaline. Shoving the letter away, she got to her feet and began cleaning. Starting in Dudley's room once again, she set up Harry's bed, moving it to one side of the room and Dudley's to the other, James' end-table going between the two beds with Harry's old mermaid lamp sitting on top. The desks and storage units went in to the playroom, broken toys tossed without a second thought. She called a local charity, arranging for them to come by the next day to pick up the old kitchen table, cot, floral drapes, and out-grown clothes and toys.

She cleaned until her hands were raw and her muscles were shaking. Three loads of laundry, changing the sheets and remaking all the beds in the house, taking down and putting up pictures of both the Potter and Dursley family. Lily bleached the counters, swept and mopped the kitchen floor, put her favorite cooking pots and pans in the kitchen and Petunia's in the get-rid-of stack. All the windows in the house were washed, the ceiling fans were wiped down, the windows opened to air out the house as she dusted and vacuumed. Finally, exhausted past the point of tears, she retreated to the shower.

She couldn't blame Severus, she really couldn't. She'd been his only true friend, and she had given in to everyone else's pre-conceived expectations and abandoned him. After… after that fight, he had swallowed his pride and waited outside the Gryffindor common room for an hour to apologize to her. And he'd apologized again the next day in the library. At dinner two days later. Given her his favorite Potions book to help her in her studies. She'd watched him withdraw, knew she was hurting him, but felt she was so superior that she hadn't let it sway her. No, not superior, she mused as she scrubbed her hair. Morally better. And when he had joined the Death Eaters after graduation, she had taken that as a sign she had made the right decision.

But Lily could be as sneaky as any Slytherin. It would take longer to get Severus to help her, as she had to deal with his anger, resentment, and hurt pride – both from Lily _and _Petunia – but she could do this. She could make this better. Somehow. Cleaner, refreshed, stabilized, she wandered downstairs singing to herself, to find Gaia transfiguring the fake fireplace into a real one. Albeit a very colorful one. "Turquoise?"

"Of course, Vivian! It's the color of youth! Of bold and beautiful gemstones; of prosperity, success, good fortune, and happiness. Turquoise is radiant!"

Lily glanced around the living room. A nice neutral tan on the walls, the hideous floral couch with the multitude of throw pillows, the cheerful lace curtains that used to hang in her grandmother's house, and a vibrantly turquoise fireplace. "It fits." She smiled crookedly, hugging her arms to her chest. "I suppose I can get used to it."

Gaia smiled. "With the right motivation, you can get used to anything."


	6. Long, Long Week

Their weekend was perfect and relaxing.

Dudley was fascinated by the moving pictures of the Potter's that were now interspersed around the house. The one of ten-month-old Harry taking his first steps was his favorite. After throwing one hell of a tantrum that his pictures didn't move as well, he decided to make the pictures into a game. Crying out, "Baby!" he tried to imitate the moves. Harry joined him, and the two of them entertained themselves for hours by standing and falling and waving at the people in the pictures. Lily left them to it, tired and sore and troubled, and spent the weekend in her bathrobe. Just because she understood Severus' decision not to help her, didn't mean she had to accept it gracefully. She let the boys run around in big-boy underwear, changing them when they had accidents, and feeling like she was starting to get a grasp on the whole potty-training thing. Later, she was grateful for the weekend, as the rest of the week was complete hell.

Monday morning, bright and early, found her in a lawyer's office filing for divorce from Vernon. Her lawyer was kind, and walked her through the steps of filing for full custody of Dudley and ownership of the house, while advising her on what steps she would need to complete on her own. Lily paid the slightly exorbitant starter fee, and left to go to her post-surgical check-up appointment. Dr. Stevens threatened to have her hospitalized.

"You were underweight before your surgery which undoubtedly exacerbated complications." His voice was stern as he made notations in her file. "Since then, your blood pressure has elevated, you have lost six pounds you already couldn't afford to lose, and have become anemic. I understand you have been stressed, but you need to take care of yourself."

"But…"

"No." He didn't even look up at her as he handed a note to the nearby nurse and she left the room. "I recommend you purchase Pre-Natal vitamins as they are good for your general health at any time, or a strong multi-vitamin will do. You need Iron, Calcium, and Folic Acid in your system." The nurse returned with several sheets of paper, which were waved at Lily before Dr. Stevens placed them in the counter. "Recommended diet. At least five small meals a day, and no caffeine. It's a potassium-rich diet, as that will help your blood pressure. Be sure to get your potassium from food, not supplements. Now lie down so I can examine your incision."

Lily sighed as she obeyed, smiling reassuringly at Harry and Dudley where they sat holding hands in petrified silence on a nearby chair. "But…"

Dr. Stevens talked right over her. "You are healing surprisingly well. Good flesh, very supple and firm, decreased redness and no swelling. Introduce some low-stress activities into your exercise routine; yoga is good. They have this new craze out called 'pilates,' which I would also recommend. Keep your cardio limited for another six-weeks. No sex for at least another week."

"Thank you."

"Umm. I'm scheduling you in next Tuesday. I expect you to have gained at least three pounds or I am admitting you into the hospital again."

"But…"

"Three pounds." He stared her down until she sulkily lowered her head. Then, patting the boys on their heads, he gave her his orders and dismissed her.

Lily sulked until she arrived home, where Eugenia was waiting for her with a basket of blueberry muffins. They spent the afternoon gossiping and laughing while little Piers played with the boys in the backyard. Eugenia was simply amazed by the moving pictures. Lily smiled weakly, having become so used to them that they didn't even faze her anymore, and weakly murmured, "my James… my brother-in-law, was into technological advances. They're imported." Her mind raced, trying to make the lie more believable. "From Japan." Crisis averted, Lily spent the rest of the day with the boys and then went to bed.

Tuesday afternoon, Lily was making lunch when the phone rang. "Hello?" Her tone was distracted as she served the boys and sat herself down to eat.

"Yes, may I speak to a Mrs. Petunia Dursley?"

She idly popped a grape in her mouth. "Speaking."

"Mrs. Dursley, this is Bell calling from American Express. In accordance to your husband's wishes, I am calling to notify you that the credit card in your name has been suspended until further notice. As of today, any future charges made by you will be denied and sent to our Fraud department."

Lily dropped her fork with a clatter. "Excuse me?"

"In accordance to your husband's wishes…"

"No, no I got that." Her breathing was becoming constricted. "But _why_ did he cancel my credit card? Can he even do that?"

"Ma'am, I apologize, but the card is in his name with you signed on as a secondary member. Until such time that he reinstates you, you will be unable to access the card. Have a nice day."

Appetite gone, Lily stared at the phone in shock before slowly hanging up. She knew she'd hired a good lawyer, as the neighbor from number nine had used him in two of her divorces and recommended him highly, but there was _no way_ the papers had been drawn and served in one days time. Which meant this was something Vernon was doing on his own. She jumped when the phone rang again. "Hello?"

"Yes, may I please speak to Mrs. Petunia Dursley?"

Closing her eyes in dread, she sighed. "This is she."

"Hello Mrs. Dursley, this is Patricia calling from Surrey Bank & Trust. How are you doing today?"

She ignored the question, knowing it was rhetorical. "What did he do?"

A pause. When she spoke again, the woman sounded guilty. "Mr. Dursley arrived in our office early this morning and signed himself off the deed to the house and the checking account, transferring them exclusively to your name."

What? Lily sat up straight. But this was a good thing! The house was hers! Wait… "Why would Vernon do that?"

A slightly longer, more pronounced pause. "Before completing the transaction, Mr. Dursley withdrew a large sum of money from your joint savings and checking account, and closed out his personal savings account. Your house payment arrived this morning, and while the bank did clear the check, it has placed your saving account into the negative. We need to have money deposited into your account by Monday of next week, or the account in question will be transferred to Collections."

"Of course." Numbly, Lily hung up the phone while the woman was apologizing. Vernon had taken all her money. No credit card, no savings, nothing. And wasn't the car in his name? Would that be next? Right now, she had a roof over her head for as long as she could pay for it, which might not be that long indeed. She'd _never_ thought he would do something like this!

A frantic call to her lawyer later and Lily was slightly reassured. Her payment via credit card to him had already been approved so she still had access to his services. Vernon denying his child funding in case of emergency could be shown as gross negligence, and her lawyer would start the paperwork rolling on that within the hour. As for the house… there was no law at the time that both parties had to be present for signing themselves or someone else off of their accounts. There was nothing she could do. She needed to find a way to gain income or her ability to provide a safe home for either child could come into question.

She sighed, running a weary hand through her hair, only to still at the sight of an owl flying towards her. Rising, she opened the back door, letting the owl glide into the room, cheered when the regal-looking owl paused on the table and glared at her. Her hands shook as she removed the letter and watched the owl fly away. Had Severus changed his mind? Was he going to help her?

_**Mrs. Petunia Evans Dursley,**_

_**Thank you for your interest in visiting Azkaban prison. Unfortunately, visitation rights are not a privilege our convicts enjoy. Politics aside, we all lost a lot in this war and owe a debt that can never be repaid to your family. Due to the nature of your relationship with the accused, I am willing to make a temporary break in protocol in order to allow you closure. I make my monthly visit to the prison today. Provided you are at the Ministry Atrium by three o'clock this afternoon, you may accompany me as a guest for a five-minute conversation with the prisoner. At that time, my Head Auror will escort you from the premises. I apologize for any inconvenience this short notification may cause. I am a busy woman in a period of regrowth for our world. All my best to you and your nephew. **_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Millicent Bagnold**_

_**Minister of Magic**_

Today, The Minister could see her today. A quick check to her watch, she had one hour to get cleaned up and to the Ministry. "Come on boys," she urged brightly, pulling them from their highchairs and shooing them into the living room. "Mummy has to go visit someone. Oh, where's the purple notebook Petunia used for phone numbers? I need to see if Miss Figg can watch you." She was half talking to them, half to herself when the phone rang again. "Go upstairs, I'll be right there." She waved the boys towards the stairs as she once again reached for the phone. "Yes, hello?"

"Mrs. Petunia Dursley?"

She sighed. "Correct."

"This is Jud Nelson calling from Sainsbury Bank PLC. I am calling to inform you that your husband, Mr. Vernon Dursley, has removed you from his car insurance policy. As today is the eighteenth, you are covered until the thirty-first. Starting September first, you will be required to open your own account in order to legally operate a motorized vehicle. Our offices would be pleased to assist you in any future business…"

Lily slammed the phone down, breathing heavily. She got it. She wasn't stupid. Vernon may have signed away the equity the house had generated, but he took her money and her means of transportation. Without viable income, she would lose the house unless Vernon stepped in and "saved" her from herself. That. Bastard. The glass on the table shattered as Lily lost control of her magic. Thankfully, the boys were giggling in the living room and didn't appear to have heard anything. She forced herself to calm as she swept up the glass and dumped it into the bin. She could fall apart later – right now she had to call Miss Figg to watch the boys and get to the Ministry.

The phone rang again as Lily turned to leave the kitchen. She ignored it, angry and frustrated and feeling helpless, letting it ring as she entered the living room and saw Harry levitating toys for Dudley's amusement instead of going upstairs like she had told them to. She scowled at the kids, too frustrated to feel guilty as they both stopped smiling and the toys fell to the ground with a clatter. "Damnit! I told you to get upstairs! GO!" They went. Holding hands and running up the stairs. Lily heard the bedroom door slam and knew she had to calm down. It wasn't Harry and Dudley's fault that she was having a bitch of a day.

She forced herself to breathe as she contacted Miss Figg and arranged for her to watch the boys. Taking one deeper, fortifying breath, she climbed the stairs and reached for the knob on Dudley's bedroom door, utterly shocked when her hand bounced away. What? She tried again, breathing speeding up as her hand once again slid away. It couldn't… No. Harry _couldn't have_. "Harry James Potter, you _un-ward_ this door _right now_!" No movement, no sound. Her son was protecting his cousin, protecting himself, from her. "I hate this!" Pissed, Lily stormed to her bedroom and changed her clothes. Brushing her reddish-blonde hair until it shone, and putting in her jade clips that she knew Sirius would recognize.

She tried the door one last time, kicking the wall in frustration when she still couldn't access the room. Stomping across the street, muttering disparaging comments about two-year-old's, she informed Miss Figg the boys were warded in Dudley's room and used her Floo to travel to the Ministry. Minister Bagnold was a no-nonsense type woman with broad shoulders and crisp mannerisms. En route to Azkaban, with Auror Rufus Scrimgeour and Auror Gawain Roberts following them at a respectable distance, she informed Lily she thought her a fool for writing to the Ministry. After all, Dumbledore had pulled some fast strings to keep her address a secret. Provided no underage magic was used at Privet Drive, no one would be able to locate her aside from the Minister and Dumbledore.

Minister Bagnold graciously allowed Lily her five minutes with Sirius in privacy, stationing Auror Scrimgeour at the corner with a strict message to watch the time before walking away to chat with the warden. Lily shivered as she walked to Sirius's cell. Azkaban was cold. The pervasive darkness of the Dementors lingering in the very air around her, each cell occupied by an individual at varying stages of insanity. "Sirius?" Lily whispered, unable to raise her voice in this environment, tentatively reaching out to hold onto the bars before her.

Sirius Black was curled up on his cot, gray prison-issue robes already showing wear from too many cleaning charms. His hair was longer, she noted in despair, just beginning to brush against his shoulders in tangled disarray. He turned his head, gazing at her listlessly, before turning back to stare at the wall. "Well if it isn't Petunia Evans. Come to tell me what a bastard I am for killing your sister, or do you want to congratulate me for getting rid of more of the freaks like me?"

"Sirius, you're not a freak!" She lowered her voice, glancing around furtively to make sure the Auror was still stationed at the end of the hall and hadn't moved closer. "It's me, Sirius. It's Lily."

He snorted. "What month is it?"

"What?"

"The month. What month is it?"

"Err… it's August."

"August." He barked out a harsh-sounding laugh. "I may have been in here for ten months, but even I'm not crazy enough to fall for that one. Lily's dead. James is dead. And Harry… is gone. Leave me to rot in peace."

"Harry's not gone, Sirius!" Lily tightened her hold on the bars, wanting to shake them to get through to him. She didn't know how to deal with this morose and lack-luster version of her friend. "He's with his mother. With _me!_"

Sirius turned back to look at her, shifting until he was sitting on his cot and could look in her eyes. "You're crazy. You are absolutely bloody nuts, yet _I'm_ the one that's locked up. How's that for the State of the Union?"

"Siri," Lily pulled her hair in frustration. She didn't have _time_ to convince him. "It's me, I swear. My…" she gestured wildly. "My middle name is Ann, and when you helped me pack up my things so I could move in with Jamie, you called me Little Orphan Annie and sang me Hard Knock Life." Sirius froze, eyes going wide. "When I was eleven, Severus gave you a black eye because you said I would grow up and become a scarlet woman! When I was pregnant, you briefly worked as a stage hand on Bob Hoskins movie _The Long Good Friday_, and were fired for having sex with the make-up artist in the Director's chair!"

"Lily?" He stood up, shaking from head to toe. "What… how… why?"

"Later," she glanced over her shoulder. Auror Scrimgeour made a pointed gesture as though looking at his watch. She nodded, pressing closer to the bars as she leaned closer. "Look," she whispered urgently, thrilled to see a spark of life and awareness back in previously cloudy gray eyes. "I don't have much time. I'll try and get you out of here as soon as I can. It's just... Vernon's being an ass. He hit me so I'm filing for divorce…"

"He _hit_ you?"

"Calm down! Yes, he hit me, but I'm filing for divorce and custody of Dudley. Things are a bit tense right now since he took all my money and Harry has somehow learned to _ward_ things…"

"Harry can still ward?" Sirius softened, a hesitant smile lighting his face as he stepped closer to her. "He did that once when he didn't want to take a bath. Smart baby. I wanted to protect him Lils, I swear. But Hagrid was there, and he took him away from me and I was so _angry_ at Peter and Harry was being taken to Dumbledore and you were dead!"

"I know," she soothed, reaching out to brush dirty strands of hair from his face. Sirius closed his eyes at the touch, looking near tears. "I'll do what I can, when I can. I've been searching the want ad's all week for work. As soon as I get a job, I promise, I'll help you get out of here. I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Everyone thinks of me as Petunia, they won't take my word that you weren't the secret keeper."

"Never." Sirius let the tears fall. "I would never betray you and James. Never. I Love you both so much."

"I know. I know you do." A gentle throat clearing. Lily stiffened, reluctantly withdrawing her hand from the cell. "I have to go. They don't allow visitors normally, so I probably can't come back. Just… stay strong, Sirius."

Sirius rushed forward as she turned and joined the guard. "Lily! Please, don't go! I'll help you! Anything! Lily!"

Auror Scrimgeour gave a disapproving look behind him as he guided her to a secure Floo in the warden's office. "Sorry about that, Mrs. Dursley. Tis one of the reasons we don't allow visitations, the Dementors, you know. Most of the prisoner's become even more dangerous in their insanity." Lily nodded weakly, thanking the man for his time before calling out Miss Figg's address and disappearing with a whoosh. She cried all the way home.

Harry was nearly inconsolable when she walked through the door. The wards, thrown up by a sulky and scared two-year-old had collapsed shortly after she had left. Coming out of the room to find Miss Figg there and his mother gone, Harry flipped out, thinking he had driven her away. All night Harry and Dudley clung to her, terrified to let her out of their sight lest she disappear again. They all went to bed early, emotionally exhausted. Lily slept poorly, plagued by nightmares. The echoing thump of James' body hitting the floor, Harry's hysterical screaming, Sirius looking feverish and far too thin, slowly going crazy while locked up in a cage, Remus transitioning every full moon alone and heart-broken, an older Dudley screaming at her that she'd ruined his life and destroyed his family. She woke up at five in the morning and vomited, unable to go back to sleep.

Wednesday morning as Lily walked the boys to the park, she kept looking over her shoulder; almost certain she was being watched more closely than usual. Imogen and her son Gordon, and Eugenia with Piers, joined her, letting their children play and offering suggestions as Lily circled promising ads. They all ate lunch together back at Imogen's, Lily making a conscientious effort to eat more than she normally would. Before bed that night, Lily wrote a short and vague note to Harry's old Pediatrician, a Squib, asking about Mind Healer's versus Psychiatrists to help the boys overcome their emotional trauma.

Thursday started with a feeling of expectation. Afraid to drive her car even though it wasn't the end of the month, Lily sent the boys to Gaia for a play-date and took public transport around town as she interviewed for the position as a Latin instructor. While Lily Evans had graduated top of her class and secured employment directly out of Hogwarts, Petunia Evans had graduated about mid-class and dropped out of secondary schooling to get married and follow her husband around. Without necessary credentials, job opportunities were limited. Becoming a private tutor or house-keeper seemed her most viable options at present, and Lily had never been so grateful that excelling in Charms required her to have a thorough understanding of Latin and its derivatives. The interview went well, and Lily returned home in a slightly more positive mind-frame. She picked the boys up from Gaia, ignored the fact that Harry had somehow sprouted feathers, Luna was flying around with purple wings, and Dudley had a beak, got all the accidental magic reversed, and took the boys to the park for a second time that day. Playing duck-duck-goose, tag, singing songs, mimicking each others movements, ring-a-ring-o-roses, and generally being silly until the boys were drooping and ready to go home. Marge called, leaving a shouting message on the machine. Not wanting to dampen her mood, Lily turned the ringer off and put the machine on low, content to ignore the world.

Friday, Lily awoke to an owl from Minister Bagnold. They had been trying to keep the news under wrap, but were unable to keep the information from the press any longer. Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban mere hours after she had visited. Due to the no-visitation policy they had flagrantly disregarded, the two Auror's had sworn an Unbreakable Vow to deny all knowledge of Petunia Dursley. Dumbledore would be notified within moments of Lily receiving this message, and whether or not he would increase his monitoring of Harry was anyone's guess.

That afternoon she finally turned up her answering machine and turned the ringer back on the phone when she returned from the park with the boys. Marge had left her nine messages. The body of Vernon Dursley had been found behind the office building of Grunnings Drill Bits and Parts late Wednesday night, and rushed to the hospital. At present, he was listed in Critical Condition, and as his spouse, Lily needed to go the hospital and sign off the paperwork. Lily called the hospital in a daze, passed from person to person until she was finally connected to a nurse in the Intensive Care Unit. The nurse didn't seem the slightest bit surprised that Lily was only _now_ calling about her husband. Marge had gone to the hospital every day, spitting vitriolic opinions of Lily as a wife, mother, and human being. It wasn't until the doctors informed Marge that Vernon could not receive a potentially risky surgery without his wife signing release forms that she broke down and reluctantly agreed to call Lily.

Dropping the boys off with Miss Figg, Lily hastily reassured the woman she would keep any and all involvement with the magical world under wraps should anyone ask, before driving to the hospital. Marge was in the waiting room located directly outside the ICU, sipping coffee with a tired expression on her face. She burst into tears the minute she saw Lily, working her way out of the chair and hurrying forward to encompass Lily into a suffocating squeeze. "Oh, Pet! I know you're just as upset as I am! Poor Vernie, mangled by a mutt." She pulled back, forgetting her hatred in favor of giving Lily a bracing squeeze on the shoulder. "You stay strong now. We Dursley's are from strong stock. Strong stock, you hear? Oh, poor Dudders must be so upset."

"Actually, I haven't said anything yet."

"What?" Marge released Lily, taking a step back in horror. "But of course he must know!"

"Marge, he's only two..."

"Oh this is just like you! Always thinking of yourself!"

"Oh for…" Lily shook her head, taking a deep breath. "How's Vernon?"

"It's not good, Pet." Marge's scowl slid off her face, leaving her looking pale and tired. "Not good at all."

Lily squeezed her hands gently before entering the ICU. The doctor was solemn, offering a synopsis of Vernon's condition in a neutral tone so as not to project an image of false comfort. She appreciated it the moment she was escorted into Vernon's cubicle. He looked awful. Machines bleeped and whirred around him, tubes protruding from his mouth, nose, arms, and some even disappearing under the blanket. His eyes were covered with thick white tape, gauze wrapped around his head, neck, chest, and upper arms. "Sweet Merlin," she whispered in shock. "What happened?"

"Looks to be a wild animal attack." Lily turned slightly unsteadily and gazed at the doctor in the doorway. He smiled at her gently, before moving to fuss with the wires and machines. "We're not sure how it happened, precisely, as he was found by an associate leaving work. Looks to be a big dog of some sort, though, so we're treating him for most communicable diseases as well."

Lily froze. Sirius escaped from Azkaban on Tuesday afternoon, and Vernon just _happens_ to get attacked by a large dog on Thursday? It could be a coincidence. Please oh please oh please oh please let it be a coincidence. "A dog, you think?"

"Umm." The doctor nodded absently as he fiddled with the machines and wrote information into the chart. "You can tell by his injuries. Dog bites typically cause a crushing-type wound because of their rounded teeth and strong jaws. An adult dog can exert 200 pounds per square inch of pressure, with some large dogs able to exert 450 pounds. Such extreme pressure damages deeper structures such as bones, vessels, tendons, muscle, and nerves. We're thinking the dog wasn't infected with Rabies, but there's _something_ off about the bite that's preventing the wounds from healing properly."

Lily felt behind her, blindly collapsing into a chair. Sirius changed into a Grim. A monstrous dog with huge teeth and claws. An omen of death. When in his Animagus form, the Thestrals in the Forbidden Forest stayed away, the Centaurs left the Marauders alone. He blended into the shadows, felt the dark urge to hunt prey, but suppressed that side of his personality in order to play with his friends. Surely he wouldn't have… "Will Vernon survive?"

The doctor paused, turning to give her another look of sympathy. "There's always hope." Always hope, yes. But rarely false hope. The doctor was uncommitted on purpose. "Right now we're concerned about the threat of infection. He could fall pray to Meningitis, osteomyelitis, tenosynovitis, abscesses, pneumonia, endocarditis, and septic arthritis are additional concerns in bite wounds. When rabies occurs, it is almost uniformly fatal, but so far we have been able to eliminate that threat."

It was dark by the time Lily left the hospital and walked to her car. Dark and cool, with a wind that spoke of fall chilling the air. She had signed papers, so many papers. Papers authorizing the emergency surgeries already performed, papers providing insurance information, papers signing over the right to all future decisions to an overwrought Marge Dursley. She collected the boys from Miss Figg, offering a wan smile and limited information, before taking them home for a late dinner and bath. She snuggled close to them while reading _Anne of Green Gables_, not worried about the kids not understanding the materiel as it was the sound of her voice that soothed them to sleep.

Lying in the bed next to Harry and Dudley, kissing their cheeks and foreheads, rubbing their backs, the moment was peaceful and perfect. Dudley hadn't asked about Vernon yet, and Harry could frankly care less as he had his mother with him, but that would change soon. What could she say? "Sorry, darling, but your daddy is in the hospital because one of Mummy's friends decided he was a threat and took him out. Eat your vegetables." That night she dreamt of Petunia, standing near her husband and wailing. Trying to lash out at Lily, but unable to without the help of magic.

Saturday started with a letter from Dumbledore. It was brief and mildly threatening, reminding her that by taking Harry in she had sealed the blood protection. As long as she had Harry, her and her family was safe from Dark wizards. She pondered the capitalization of the word Dark as she served breakfast. Was he trying to say-without-saying that people with the Dark Mark couldn't reach them here? Because she _knew_ for a fact that Sirius wasn't marked. Was he trying to say that Dark Artifacts, or Dark Lords couldn't reach her here? Because she had placed a hell of a lot more wards around her house in Godric's Hollow than here, and Voldemort had still gotten to them.

Miss Figg found her at the park, passing on a letter from Molly Weasley that reassured Lily she wouldn't say anything about the interaction with the magical world, and offering a safe place to go should Sirius Black somehow find them. Lily took the boys home after that, letting them watch movies and run around in their underwear again. She took to gazing out the window at odd times, waiting for something to happen, until her nerves were so strung out she moved nap time up and they all went to bed. A call to the hospital before dinner told her that Vernon was too weak for surgery and it had been bumped to Monday. Feeling as though she were walking through a dream, she fed the boys, bathed them, and read _Anne of Green Gables_ until they fell asleep and she could escape to the kitchen for a cup of tea.

The scratching on the door nearly an hour later really didn't take her by surprise. Mechanically, she stood up, crossed the room, opened the door, and let the big black dog in. Sirius transformed once she had shut and locked the door, swaying slightly where he stood in the kitchen. Lily studied him. He was thin, far too thin, looking nearly emaciated in the harsh light of the kitchen. His hair was filthy, matted with mud and muck, eyes wild with fever. "Sirius?" She kept her voice cautious and low. "How did you get out of Azkaban?"

It seemed to take an hour before he was able to focus on her. "Lily," he breathed, starting to tremble where he stood. "I had to protect you. Promised James, always promise, keep you safe, my duty to Harry."

Lily was getting over her shock and going straight into concern. Sirius seemed… off. Feverish, sickly, not quite in his right mind. Stepping forward, she gently pushed him into the kitchen chair before crossing to the sink to wash the mud off her hand. The mud that ran red as it disappeared down the drain. "Sirius?" Internally, she winced at how high-pitched and shaky her voice sounded. Slowly, she turned from the sink and looked at the broken man before her. "Oh Sirius, what have you done?"

"My mum."

"What?" Lily frowned, looking between her hand, Sirius, and the water trickling down the drain. She turned off the tap and crossed the room, kneeling before her friend. "What about your mum, Sirius?"

He focused on her, reaching up to gently move a piece of strawberry-blonde hair away from her face. "Red. So much red, like your hair, like fire, like a phoenix."

Red? Lily started to shake harder. "Sirius, did you hurt Vernon?"

"Had to Lils, had to keep you safe. He hurt you. He hit you and took your money. Don't know who Dudley is, but you want him and he was going to fight you for him."

"Si… Sirius, what about your mum?"

"Needed money to help you." His eyes slipped out of focus again, still far too bright and feverish to put Lily at ease. "Can't get money until I became the head of the House of Black. She had to go. So much red."

Lily shot to her feet, backing away from Sirius, covering her mouth with her hands to muffle her choked gasp of horror. Sirius _had_ attacked Vernon. And his mother. To… help her? For the first time since she was sixteen, Lily was afraid of Sirius. True, he was her best friend, but he had spent nearly ten months surrounded by Dementors, seeing who knows what every time they passed him, and had escaped prison to help her. By attacking his mother and Vernon.

"Sirius? Did you kill your mother?"

An odd smile crossed his face. "I had to Lils. Had to get you money to protect Harry. Would do anything to keep you safe, Lils, Anything."

Giving in to exhaustion, stress, starvation, and the fever coursing through his system, Sirius weakly lay his bloody and filthy head down on the table and passed out. And all Lily could do was stand there, staring at her former best friend, realizing the magnitude of what had just happened, and wondering what in the hell to do now.

HDHDHD

He he… yeah. This seems like a good place for another Author's Note.

1. TwistedSister brought up a valid point that I wanted to address. Yes, I am aware that the majority of the doctors introduced are male. Yes, it is deliberate. Remember, this is 1982. At that time, 74 out of 278 women received doctorates in medicine. The medical field was **dominated**by males, with women being consistently regulated to nurses or secretaries of-sorts. So think on that, and give a Rah Rah Ree for Women's Lib.

2. Vernon. My old roommate was a counselor. She saw women in Lily's predicament all the time. Their husbands took their money, their means of transportation, their homes… all because they "never thought they would do that." Lily has a one-track mind: caring for Harry. Yes, she thought of divorcing Vernon, but do you think he would allow her to do that without a fight? He figured he could box her in, and _make_ her conform to his will. Sucks, but it's realistic.

3. Sirius. A bit freaky here, yeah? Here's the thing. If Dementors are bad enough that a brief interaction can make Harry faint, Ginny go pale and shaky, and even kids who haven't experienced much grief feel awful, consistent long-term exposure has to mess you up for awhile. I never bought the fact that Sirius could break out of Azkaban and –bam- he's sound enough to ask for Guardianship of Harry, or successfully go on the run for a year. It takes time to recover from an experience like that, and who better to help him than an equally distraught Lily? Sirius busted out in PoA because he thought Harry was in danger. Well, now he _knows_ that Lily and Harry are having their comfort threatened… think he's going to stick around in prison, or make the slightly manic choice to help her the best way his feverish brain can think of? Yeah. But I love Sirius, so I will try my hardest not to assassinate his character.

4. Snape. Yep, Lily is growing up and realizes she hurt him. **However**, a couple of you have picked up on the fact that they _both_ need to grow up a bit. I love Snape. I do not, however, love the weakened version of Snape presented in DH. He's a snarky bastard who lived a hard life. Lily is a spoiled little girl who was pampered because she was magical. She hurt him, he hurt her. As adults, they have to bring this out in the open in order to move on. I can't do sappiness there. The conversations are going to suck.

Yeah! I am so glad you like my Lily! I've tried really hard to avoid cliché and make her realistic. The story is going to start picking up a bit from here, so hang on for the ride : ) I LOVE all the reviews and discussions taking place over this story. Keep em coming!

Loves!

Roo


	7. Another SetBack?

Harry glared through teary eyes, opened up his mouth, and _screamed_ his displeasure.

Lily sighed wearily, frowned, and flicked his chubby fingers gently when they crept demandingly towards the cookie jar. Utterly devastated, Harry flung himself to the ground in all his two-year-old fury and sobbed. Granted, flicking little fingers with her own was probably not something Dr. Spock would recommend for behavioral modification, but Lily would bet Dr. Spock had never raised a magical child before. It had been a long week nursing Sirius back to coherency. Her patience was fried, she was more tired than she had ever been before, and her darling child had to choose _now_ to decide Mummy needed to cater to his every whim. Needing a few minutes without them underfoot, Lily had buckled the boys securely into their high chairs, turned around to get them a snack, and turned back to find Harry sitting happily on top of the counter eating cookies. How he had gotten there… she had no idea. Lily sent a suspicious look towards Dudley. Her nephew's buckles had mysteriously unlatched, but he had remained sitting in his chair while also munching happily on cookies. A sign of accidental magic, perhaps? Or had Harry unlatched them before his flight for freedom and chocolate? Wearily, Lily picked up the sobbing boy, settled him back into his high chair, and slumped at the table. She would kill for a cup of coffee right now.

Not since the first terror-filled months of being in hiding had Lily been this wary, tired, or drained. She couldn't sleep at all Saturday night. After an hour of poking and prodding, she managed to get Sirius to half-stumble up the stairs, where she promptly stripped him and put him in the shower. Half an hour later, he was put to bed in the guest room. She didn't know what to _do_ to help him! So she did the only thing she could think of – she made chicken noodle soup, tea with spoonfuls of honey to soothe his cough, and fumbled through the medicine cabinet for Tylenol and Vicks VapoRub. Sirius was moaning, tossing and turning on the bed as the fever in his blood consumed him. Sometimes he would open up feverish eyes, reach out and grab her close to his side, sobbing that he was sorry for letting her and James down, begging her not to hate him. Other times he would simply shift into Padfoot and lie there whining and trembling, flinching every time she made any sudden movements.

She soothed him best she could, and then she paced. All the while her hands trembling like she'd been electrocuted. What was she _doing?_ She couldn't let him stay here! Could she? There were two innocent babies sleeping down the hall, and Sirius… and she… but this was _Sirius!_ She couldn't just turn him out, not when he was sick and weakened and half-crazed. Dropping onto the bed beside him, mentally blocking the thought that she was staring at naked flesh, she rubbed Neosporin onto his open cuts and studied his body. Some of the wounds were faded and scarred, wounds she was almost fairly certain were not there before his stint in Azkaban. Had he hurt himself? Had others hurt him – guards, Auror's – while he was sitting in a cell? She knew they hadn't fed him properly, as his ribs stood out in clear relief against his flesh, but had others physically harmed him while in prison? That settled it, she couldn't let him go.

Around three in the morning she had slumped on the couch in the living room, TV quietly providing background noise, drinking tea and fervently longing for a strong cup of coffee. Bloody doctor, banning her from caffeine. Lily took deep breaths, forcing herself to think clearly as she pulled her planner close to her and flipped through her notes. Muggle doctor – check. Dentist? Could be arranged for later in the week. Magical doctor? The boys had been fit in on Thursday morning, so she had to wait to place a star next to that item. There wasn't much she could do on Sunday, but on Monday, she would need to take the paperwork to the bank she had used as Lily Potter and empty the savings account in order to clear Petunia Dursley's account and keep a roof over their heads for another month. So much for starting an account for herself and the boys. That would have to work out later.

Vernon… Lily's hands shook violently as she nibbled on a chocolate digestive, mentally lying to herself over the amount of caffeine in chocolate. Vernon was in the ICU and having surgery on Monday. _Why_ had Sirius done what he did? The divorce papers would be sent out this week and she would look like an absolute cad for abandoning him in his hour of need. But she _couldn't_ remain married to him. And in the week Vernon had been gone, Dudley hadn't asked after him once. This reminded her… she needed to find Dudley's birth certificate and find out his middle name. Who would name their child something that bespoke of stupidity? Dudley… a dud… no, a middle name, any name, would be better to call him by. And starting this young, it would be a well developed habit by the time he started school and allow the boy to hopefully not be picked on. She noted this down on the planner as she swallowed a third cookie. Provided she was still in Surrey when the boys were ready for school. Would she lose the house? Would she…

A picture of Sirius was on the news. Lily blinked, putting down her tea in order to grab the remote and turn up the volume. "…we interrupt this broadcast to bring you this late breaking news. Sirius Black, mass murder, has escaped from his maximum security prison and is at large. He is considered armed and dangerous. There is no word yet over how the break-out occurred, but authorities are launching a full investigation in the matter. If spotted, do not attempt to approach or apprehend the criminal. Call the authorities immediately. Again, mass murderer Sirius Black has escaped…"

Great. Just peachy. She was harboring a criminal wanted by Muggle and magical authorities. She was going to lose her kids, her home, everything, if she was caught. What was she _doing?_ Shoulders slumped with worry and exhaustion she turned off the television, checked on all three of her boys, and stumbled to bed.

Bright and early Sunday morning, Lily cursed herself fluently. She'd severely underestimated the lure of a closed door. It didn't take long for Lily to realize that little boys who had been allowed free reign over their home thought it great fun to try and sneak upstairs to find out what Mummy was hiding. While the boys ate, she crushed Bouillon cubes and mixed it with hot water to create broth, and heated more soup. Locking the door behind her, Lily entered the guest room and valiantly ignored the jiggling of the handle as she soothed Sirius and drugged him again. When the boys went down for a nap, instead of being able to sleep with them she had to get Sirius into the tub for a lukewarm bath to bring down his temperature, clean up vomit, change the sheets on the bed, force more broth and soup into him, and drug him. By the time he was asleep again, the boys were up and clamoring to go to the park. And thus the day passed in a tired haze.

Monday she left the house and went to the Muggle bank she had used as Lily Potter, sad to forego her plan of starting saving accounts for them all and simply cashing out the account with a bitter smile. Going to the bank the Dursley's banked at, she brought the checking account to a positive balance, finished signing the paperwork that would officially remove Vernon from the house, and had enough money left over to go to the grocery store and stock up on food and medicine. She didn't bother getting petrol, as she wasn't certain she could legally drive the car after next week. Home again, she called Dr. Stevens to reschedule her follow-up appointment, fed the boys, and rushed to check on Sirius. And thus another day passed.

Tuesday started off on a new note, as neither of the boys had soiled their diapers in the night and used the potty in the morning. Sirius' fever had broken around one in the morning, and he hadn't thrown up once since then. Pleased that something was going right, Lily made breakfast with a smile on her face and danced around the kitchen. It wasn't until she was setting plates of food aside to cool that she realized the boys weren't in the living room playing. With a feeling of dread, she rushed through the house and up the stairs… to find that the door to the guest room had vanished and the boys were sitting on the bed talking to Sirius.

Harry turned when he heard her in the doorway, a bright smile lighting his face. "Mama! Yookit! Yookit, Mama! Padfoot!"

"Yes, baby, I see."

Sirius looked up at her, giving a weak smile as he continued running a hand through Harry's soft hair. "He Vanished the door, Lils." His voice was hoarse from disuse and his lingering illness, his face flushed with fever and pride. "Two years old and he can vanish a door."

Lily sat down in the doorway, her legs giving out as the magnitude of the situation hit her. Harry was a strong wizard, stronger than any child she had ever known. It wasn't _normal_ that a child could ward things, levitate multiple objects, and vanish a door on a whim. She needed to get a job, but how _could_ she? Harry wouldn't be safe in a daycare until he was old enough to learn to control his magic. And when would that be? When he was four? Five? Ten? How could she get a job and leave the house for hours on end? Who would watch the kids? Miss Figg? Gaia? _Sirius_?

And speaking of Harry… how badly was he affected by the curse he rebounded that Halloween night? He had been a regular baby beforehand, albeit a bit precocious. He hadn't hesitated to summon cookies, had warded the bedroom to avoid taking a bath, and liked to animate his toys to play with him. But she had been watching him closely since he came to the Dursley's. She _knew_ there were times when he had activated a sort-of Muggle Repelling Charm to keep Vernon and Petunia away from his cupboard. The nights when she had sat up with him as he cried himself to sleep, neither her sister nor Vernon had commented on his choking sobs. Had he silenced the cupboard? And he'd seemed able to heal himself, bruises and scrapes and cuts, at an expedited rate. Was that _normal_ for a baby? She'd been separated from Alice and Molly for so long, the only magical baby she was familiar with was Harry. How do you judge your own child, when you instinctively believe they are perfect and amazing? Was Harry's magical core affected by deflecting the killing curse? Lily studied her son. He looked happy and healthy and strong. But he had barely tapped into his magic while with the Dursley's, yet had rebounded almost instantaneously upon Lily's arrival. What was next? Apparrating by himself?

On the bed, Dudley was giggling as Harry laughingly climbed over Sirius. Wanting to play, he held out both hands, a look of fierce concentration on his face, and made the cup of chicken broth on the bedside table rise in the air slightly before it tipped over and splashed Sirius in the face. Sirius laughed so hard he choked and began coughing. Harry giggled, bouncing on Sirius' chest and clapping for his cousin. "Yeah, Duddy!" Dudley smiled shyly, ducking his head, and turned to Lily. She couldn't move, seemingly frozen in the doorway, a look of utter shock on her face. Dudley stopped smiling, a look of fear crossing his face. With a whimper, he threw himself off the bed, cowering in the corner and covering his face with his hands.

"S'ok, Duddy!" Harry looked distressed, his little face crumpling. He turned trusting eyes to Sirius, silently imploring him to make it better.

Lily nodded to herself, wearily grabbing the door frame and pulling herself to her feet. She knelt next to Dudley, reaching out a gentle hand to stroke his hair. How could she have missed this? Dudley reacted like an abused child at her reaction to his using magic? Was he a wizard as well? _How could she have missed this!_ Was Petunia so embittered over not being allowed to go to Hogwarts that she was willing to take it out of her own son? No wonder Dudley had been so afraid of her in the beginning – one of the first things she had done was make the peach explode. Was he waiting for her to punish him for accidental magic? Is _that_ why he was playing so nicely with Harry now? Because _Harry_ wasn't being punished for his accidental magic and so Dudley felt… safer? Dare she even ask what could possibly happen next, or would that simply be providing fate with a surplus of temptation? "Ssh. Ssh, Dudley, it's ok. You're ok. No one is going to be upset with you for something you can't control." Dudley was still crying softly, wriggling around on her lap in a futile attempt to get away from her. Lily's arms tightened instinctively. "It's ok, magic is a gift. You have a gift, sweetie, that doesn't make you bad." Lily felt tears gather in her own tired eyes. There was something very wrong with holding her sister's child in her arms while he cried, and hearing her own baby's delighted giggles as he played with his Godfather.

Sirius was able to hobble out of bed, and spent time in the backyard watching the boys play while Lily made a futile attempt to clean the house. Not having the energy to cook, they rang for pizza for dinner and let the boys fall asleep in front of the television. Lily smiled down at the boys asleep on the carpet, absurdly grateful for the peaceful afternoon and evening, before covering them gently with a fleece throw. She turned to ask Sirius if he wanted a cup of tea or something to nibble on, and offered a puzzled smile when she saw him lounging in the doorway, arms crossed across his chest, gazing at her with an odd look in his eye. It was such a familiar pose that she walked closer to him and playfully punched him in the shoulder, a sassy comment on the tip of her tongue. "Move in with me, Lils." His voice was low, hypnotic, one hand coming up to gently brush the hair off her face. Her smiled faded away to nothing. _"Let_ me help you, let me help Harry and Dudley." He moved closer, one hand sliding around her waist and pulling her into a loose hug.

Lily's head was spinning. She was so confused. It was like when he first arrived – what she felt she _should_ do, balanced against the fact that Sirius was her friend. "But Sirius, you're a _murderer_. You went out and did what they accused you of." She was ashamed that her voice was weak and lacked conviction, dropping her head onto his shoulder in an attempt to hide. But how could she outright tell him no? She was as terrified of Harry's growing magical talent as she was of Dudley's budding magical ability. She missed her husband, missed the comfort of having someone she trusted to lean on when the world felt too muddled. But was Sirius a safe alternative? Could she relax enough to trust him? Clearly, on some level she already did or she would have evicted him from her home. "How could we ever have a normal life?"

His arm tightened around her, his response lost as the shrill ringing of the telephone interrupted their bubble. Lily broke away from the embrace and hurried into the kitchen to answer before the ringing woke the boys. "He.." her voice was husky with suppressed tears. She took a deep breath, cleared her throat, and tried again. "Hello?"

"Pet?" She winced at the nickname. "Pet, it's Margie."

"Marge?" Why would Marge be calling this late? "Has something happened to Vernon?"

"Oh, Pet." Marge blew her nose in the background. "Vernie survived his surgery, but he's slipped into a coma."

"A coma?" Across the room Sirius flinched, a sick expression on his face. "How did that happen?"

"They're not terribly certain, Pet. Head trauma was the excuse they gave me, but we can't be certain. Apparently they ran some kind of Glasgow Scale on him and he registered as a one."

"A one?" Lily turned her back to Sirius, wrapping one arm protectively around her waist. What did this mean for the future of her family?

"He doesn't respond to anything. No light, or voices, or pain." Marge gave a muffled sob. "The doctors say he could wake up within days or weeks, they just don't know. I wanted you to know." Her voice turned bitter. "Not that you care, you ungrateful hussy. Didn't even call yesterday to check up on him after you _knew_ he was having surgery…"

"Yes, thank you, Marge. I'll call and check on him tomorrow. Good night, now." Lily hung up the phone before Marge could say anything else, her hand lingering on the smooth plastic. She was trembling again, she noted dully. One seemingly innocuous phone call, one reminder of the life she now led, and her nerves were shot to hell. She could sense Sirius standing uncertainly behind her, picking up on her changing emotions and trying to gauge the best reply in advance. God how she wished James was here right now. "Sirius, how could you do that?"

"I had to, Lils!" Sirius ran a hand through his long hair, looking frustrated and worried. "Vernon was hurting you! You needed money and a safe place to go. I'm James' best friend and Harry's Godfather! It's my _job_ to protect you however I can!"

"But, Sirius!" Lily lowered her voice, not wanting to wake the boys. "You _have_ money. Your Uncle Alvin left you some."

"Alphard," he corrected automatically. "Uncle Alphard. And it wasn't that much money, Lils. I bought a house with that money, but I sold it when I went through that career crisis when I was twenty. Didn't you wonder why I was practically living with you and James before you went into hiding and then bummed over on Remus' couch?"

"Well, yes, but," Lily trailed off. "You burned through your money that quickly?"

"Look, I'm not proud of that fact, but I had a lot of fun doing it." He grinned at her, smile fading at her look of distress. "Lils, I had to keep you safe, had to help you any way I could. I only had a couple thousand Galleons of my own and no safe place for you to go. But now," he moved forward, gripping her arms as he spoke to her earnestly. "Now, I have a house. It's not much, but it's untraceable and unplottable. It's _safe_ for you and Harry and Dudley to live there. And now with my crazy mother gone, I hold the reigns to the entire Black fortune. You won't need for money at all!"

"Sirius, it's not about the money! Well, not entirely. It's about independence! I wasn't _made_ to be inactive. I _like_ working! And it's important for the boys to be around others, to interact with children and adults, to learn and grow and develop. And what about Vernon?"

"What about him?"

"He'll be home from the hospital eventually and will fight me for Dudley. In the eyes of the law I will have no job, no viable means to support myself, yet a suspicious inflow of money that may or may not get me investigated by the SIS! What then?"

"By the what?"

"The secret service, Sirius! The Muggle law enforcement!"

"So don't tell them where you're getting the money!"

"I have to pay taxes!"

"Lils…" Frustrated, he clenched his hands into fists and smacked his skull. Lily went and put the kettle on for tea in order to have something to do with her hands. "Look, I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry. I wasn't exactly thinking straight at the time and it seemed like the best way to keep you happy and healthy. I love you Lils, you know I do. I spent the last couple months remembering what you looked like when I pulled you from the rubble. Ever read Macbeth?"

Lily placed the tea kettle on the table and laid out cups. "What does Shakespeare have to do with anything?"

"Out damn spot, out I say." He smiled wearily, slumping into the seat next to her. "I washed the blood off Harry's face when I found him. I held him, and rocked him, and I found James and you and… I can still feel his blood on my hands." He looked at her, gray eyes desperate and begging for understanding. "I can feel Harry's blood on my hands, feel it, smell it… I will do anything and everything in my power to wash the blood away and if that means taking out the great lump Dursley and getting my bitchy mother out of the picture, I'll do it. Anything, Lils. You can ask anything of me and I'll do it."

"But, Sirius," Lily sat weakly into a chair at the table. "I never wanted you to become a murderer. You've become guilty of the crime they committed you for. _How_ is that helpful for me and Harry?"

Troubled, unable or unwilling to spoil their first pleasant night together, they dropped the subject and went to their separate beds for the night. For the first time since assuming Petunia's identity, Lily pulled Harry and Dudley into the master bedroom with her for the night. She lay there for a long time in the dark, listening to their breathing, the weight of her unfinished conversation with Sirius nearly smothering her, before falling into a troubled and restless sleep.

Wednesday morning Lily left the boys with Miss Figg, took Sirius' vault key, and crept into Diagon Alley. After procuring a large amount of wizarding and Muggle currency, she went shopping. First thing first, she bought an owl. With Harry showing such advanced magic, and Dudley showing the beginning strains of a magical child, she had no choice but to remain in the magical world. It was unavoidable. What if the boys needed to be taken to St. Mungo's? What if there was an emergency? No, the amount of her involvement could be severely limited, but she would need a way to contact the outside world other than relying on Miss Figg's Floo. Stopping by Flourish and Blots, she ordered some easy-to-read books, some comprehensive books for her, signed up for a parenting support class, and picked up some toddler-appropriate games and toys. Several of them Harry had owned as an infant, but it wouldn't hurt to start Dudley off with a couple. One last stop at the Apothecary to stock up on Potions ingredients, and she was done.

The first thing she did in the Muggle world was fill her car halfway with Petrol. Clearly, her limited optimism hadn't counted on her needing her vehicle for the next few days. That done, she went to the grocery store and stocked up on non-perishable items and fresh fruits and vegetables. With a reminiscent sigh, she tossed in a few different types of tea, replenished her medical supplies, and hurried home. The boys were antsy, having been cooped up in the house for almost a week, so she walked them to the park and let them run, watching them intently. Harry was smaller than Dudley. Tinier, lighter, but quick on his feet and remarkable agile. Lily smiled over how much he resembled his father more and more everyday. Dudley was stockier, heavier, slower to move and slightly clumsy on his feet. Was this a product of his upbringing? Troubled, Lily hurried the boys' home for a late snack. Sirius hadn't seemed the least bit perturbed about Lily using his money, so she didn't bother to apologize for taking it. Nor did she tell him the recipient of the owl she sent off.

Which brought them to the present. Lily had managed to nap with the boys and woke up cheerful. Both of the boys, however, had been awakened by Sirius howling from his nightmares, and woke up cranky and irritable. Lily reached out and smoothed Dudley's hair back. "That's a very good boy, darling, staying in your high chair. But you mustn't continue to unlock the clasps. It's not safe for little boys to be unstrapped in their high chairs." Dudley smiled up at her warily, choosing to possessively grip his cookie and suck on his sippy cup rather than reply.

Harry had no such qualms. "Cookie!" he roared, tears streaming down his red face, kicking his feet angrily against his stifling high chair.

Lily sighed. "Harry, you must eat a proper meal. Because you threw such a fit, you get no cookies today. You can try again tomorrow, and it you're a good boy you get a cookie after lunch."

Harry glared at her, crossing his arms angrily over his chest. A second later, he vanished from the kitchen, Sirius' accompanying bark of laughter proof enough over where her son had disappeared to. "Great," she muttered to herself, wiping down Dudley's sticky hands and removing him from his high chair. "He's apparrating at the age of two. Terrific. What's next? Getting someone pregnant at twelve? I'll kill him." Still muttering under her breath, Lily fetched her fussy son and bundled both boys into the car for their doctor appointments.

Two hours later, Lily sat on a padded chair in her doctor's office, holding onto a sleeping Harry and wondering impatiently why Dudley's examination was taking so much longer than Harry's did. She turned in relief when the door opened, smiling at the round face of the doctor she had always entrusted Harry's medical care with. Dr. Caritas had a round face, sparkling blue eyes, and a balding head of gray hair. Growing up as a Squib in a traditional Pureblood household, he'd managed to create one of the most elite medical facilities open to the magical world. However, his policy of hiring both Squibs and Muggleborn witches and wizards severely limited the amount of traffic his facility received.

"Mrs. Dursley?"

Lily startled slightly at the man's reserved and polite air. He had always been affectionate towards Lily Potter. It took a moment to realize he's never met Petunia Dursley before. "Yes, Sir." They shook hands politely. "Where's my son, Dr. Caritas?"

"With one of my assistants, sleeping off some medication in one of the exam rooms."

"What?" Lily turned and frowned at the door, unconsciously tightening her hold on Harry, before turning back to the doctor. "Why did you need to medicate Dudley and not Harry?"

Dr. Caritas smiled down at the sleeping toddler for a moment before resolutely opening the two files in front of him. "Let's just discuss that, shall we? We'll start with young Mr. Potter. Right now he is a perfectly healthy two-year-old, as I'm sure your regular physician told you when he had his appointment last week. On a Muggle front, he is adapting and growing at a healthy rate and responds very well to outside stimulus. His small motor and large motor control is perfectly in line for his age group, his reflexology is strong, and an EEG revealed no damage to his brain from the curse he received." Lily smiled down at her sleeping son, affectionately brushing his messy black curls off his forehead. The doctor smiled at the gesture before continuing.

"Magical scans, however, have revealed a few peculiarities." Lily paled. "Comparing imagery of Harry before that Halloween night, may the Potter's rest in peace, we have determined that the shape of Harry's eyes have changed since he survived the curse directed towards him."

Lily blinked. "What does that mean?"

"It means there is a possibility Harry will need to begin Vision Correction Potions soon, and may require glasses as he ages if the treatments are unsuccessful. Furthermore," here the doctor hesitated, flicking an anxious look at the baby. "Mrs. Dursley, you must understand that I have nothing but the greatest affection for Harry's late parents. I became James Potter's physician when he was roughly Harry's age. Anything that occurs in these offices is guaranteed confidentiality."

"Ok." Lily shifted nervously, glancing down in alarm as Harry muttered in his sleep and cuddled closer.

Dr. Caritas smoothed a hand over the file before him. "An initial scanning of Harry's magical core showed quite a bit of scar tissue." He held up a hand for silence as Lily opened her mouth. "A more thorough scan was then conducted. Before the… incident on Halloween, Harry's aura… well, first, let me explain about auras. The Human Energy Field is a collection of electro-magnetic energies of varying densities that permeate the physical body of a living person. These particles of energy are suspended around the healthy human body in an oval shaped field. This "auric egg" emits out from the body approximately 2-3 feet on all sides. It extends above the head and below the feet into the ground. The aura consists of seven levels, and each one of the subtle bodies that exist around the physical body has its own unique frequency. They are interrelated, and affect one another and the person's feelings, emotions, thinking, behavior, and health as well. Therefore a state of imbalance in one of the bodies leads to a state of imbalance in the others."

He paused briefly, seemingly steeling himself to continue. "At present, Harry's aura is an interesting conglomeration of colors. There are streaks of clear red, representing someone who is powerful, energetic, competitive, sexual, and passionate. A healthy orange-red, telling of confidence and creative power. Gold swirls, the color of enlightenment and divine protection, that when seen within the aura implies the person is being guided by their highest good. It is divine guidance, protection, wisdom, inner knowledge, intuitive thinking. All of this is wonderful and speaks of someone becoming a wonderfully strong and kind adult wizard. However, there are also streaks of black in Harry's aura, which, I admit, has me more than slightly concerned."

"Black?" Lily's mind was racing. "Black like the Dark Arts?"

"Not precisely, Mrs. Dursley." Dr. Caritas paused again. "A black aura draws or pulls energy to it, and in doing so, transforms it. It captures light and consumes it. Usually, black indicates long-term unforgiveness towards others or another and in Harry's case is collected in a specific area of his body."

Lily wanted to cry. "His scar?"

The doctor nodded. "Indeed. Black aura also reflects entities within a person's body, such as past life hurts or unreleased grief. It is… more than unusual that someone of Harry's age would have black in their aura."

"Past life hurts?" Lily was whispering again, tears beginning to gather in her eyes. "Did Voldemort do something to him?" She ignored the flinch that accompanied the hated name.

"It is a possibility," he admitted quietly, "but something I do not currently have the resources to explore. You would need someone with extensive knowledge of Dark Arts in order to test this knowledge." Dr. Caritas studied the lightly trembling woman before him and wished he had some positive news to give her today. "I will, of course, assist you in any way I can."

Lily head was starting to pound, tension manifesting itself in her body through a stress headache. Desperately searching for a topic change, she whispered, "and Dudley?"

The doctor accepted the topic change with a slight inclination of his head. "Dudley's aura is substantially different than Harry's. The predominant colors in his aura are pastels, a sensitive blend of light and colors, more so than basic colors. This shows sensitivity to stimulus, and a need for serenity in his life and surroundings. There is also a strong vein of bright lemon-yellow, which indicated that Dudley is struggling to maintain power and control, and fears losing control. Most alarming, however, is the dark and muddy gray swirling about in his aura. Like black, dark gray represents a residue of fear accumulating in the body, with a potential for health problems, especially if gray clusters are seen in a specific area of the body. Mrs. Dursley…" he trailed off briefly. "May I ask you a few questions about your son?"

Baffled, tired, Lily simply nodded her head in resignation and wished desperately for a bracing cup of coffee. Dr. Caritas smiled briefly. "Did you notice excessive and rapid weight gain in Dudley occurring after the age of one?"

Lily blinked, trying to find a way to answer that question. Technically, as Petunia Dursley she was Dudley's mother, but she hadn't met the child until he was sixteen months old. Though he did tend to eat a lot and was a wide little boy. "Yes."

The doctor nodded. "Are you aware of your son's distinctive facial features? The almond-shaped eyes and small-appearing mouth with thin upper lip and down-turned corners of mouth?

"Yes."

"Have you noticed that his hands and feet are not proportionate to the rest of his body? That they appear smaller and a bit delicate looking?"

"Erm… yes. But Vernon has that, too. I figured he took after him?"

"A logical assumption," he reassured. "Just a few more questions, please." Lily nodded bemusedly. "Have you noticed characteristic behavior problems such as temper tantrums, violent outbursts, obsessive/compulsive behavior, a tendency to be argumentative, oppositional, rigid, manipulative, possessive, and stubborn, perseverating, stealing, and lying?"

"He's been rather coddled all his life. I… I guess I see some of that, but I figured it was because he was easily spoiled. I mean, he's little more than a baby. Are you saying it's something to worry about?"

Dr. Caritas sighed. "After having an associate complete several in-depth magical scans, I believe young Dudley has a variation of a little known developmental disability known as Prader-Willi Syndrome. This syndrome induces urges of hyperphagia, or an abnormal increase in appetite. The urge to eat is physiological and totally overwhelming. The risk of obesity results not only because individuals with PWS have an insatiable appetite, but because they also burn less calories than others due to low muscle mass and inactivity. Unless their diet is carefully controlled, weight gain can be very rapid leading not only to obesity, but to disease and early death as well. Motor skills are usually 1 to 2 years behind due to the hypotonia. Balance, strength, coordination and motor planning are often affected. Areas in which Dudley may have difficulties are with attention, short-term auditory memory, and abstract thinking. However, he does exhibit strengths in the areas of long-term memory and receptive language."

Stunned, Lily absently patted Harry's back and stared at the doctor. Dudley had a developmental disorder? What did that _mean?_ Obviously, she understood the facts he was spouting at her, but, really, what did it mean to her, to them, to the familial unit she was attempting to create? "So…" she trailed off lamely, looking away from the doctor to gather herself before trying again. "So, what does this mean for Dudley? Is there a strict potion regiment I need to put him on?" Her heart beat increased when the doctor's kind-looking face crinkled up in a frown.

"Unfortunately, there is no cure for PWS, nor is there a drug that is universally prescribed to treat all symptoms. However, there are methods of managing some of the symptoms. For example, synthetic growth hormones can be used to treat children who are determined to be growth hormone deficient. In terms of the obesity factor, during the pre-school years, ages 2-5 years, a restrictive diet can be maintained to prevent extreme weight gain and an exercise program should begin as early as possible. And, for some individuals, psychotropic drugs may be used to help with some of the behaviors commonly seen in individuals with PWS, although positive behavior management is a preferred alternative. We'll need to set up appointments for Dudley to be examined by physical therapists, occupational therapists, behaviorists, and speech/language instructors." He offered a comforting smile. "It's good that you noticed the signs early and got him in so fast. We can get started on a plan for him right away, which significantly increases the prospect of Dudley living a full and rich lifestyle."

Lily was in a daze as she thanked the doctor, collected Dudley, and strapped the two sleepy toddlers into their car seats. She got lost twice on her drive back to Privet Drive, so distracted by the thoughts running through her mind. Everything, no matter how seemingly inconsequential at the time, tended to boil down to one thing. Magic. She couldn't run from it, she couldn't escape it, but she couldn't embrace it whole-heartedly either. Magic was responsible for the death of her husband and her real body. Magic had turned her son into a walking Bulls Eye for Dark magic. Magic had helped her take over her sister's dying body and given her a second chance to raise her son. Magic was surrounding the house on Privet Drive, providing safety to Harry through the wards, and allowing a safe place for Sirius to heal. Magic had the potential to significantly improve her children's life.

But… _why_ was she hesitating so deeply over the decision to embrace the magical world. Why had she been so comfortable sending the boys to Gaia overnight, yet didn't leave the boys with Miss Figg or Molly Weasley for more than a few hours? Lily shifted, signaling for a left turn automatically, and frowned at the tentative conclusion she had come up with. Was it Dumbledore? Was she afraid of Dumbledore? No, not afraid. Leery. Distrustful. It was justifiable, truly. Dumbledore had suggested the use of the Fidelius Charm that ripped apart her family, and hadn't done anything to help Sirius once he'd been incarcerated. Why hadn't he pushed for a trial? She didn't blame Dumbledore for placing Harry with her sister. Petunia, after all, was Harry's closest living blood relative. It made sense legally. But he'd never checked on him once in nine months. Not even to make sure there were no residual effects of Harry reflecting the _Avada Kadavra_ curse. Had he realized Harry would be altered magically and physically? Muggle doctors wouldn't catch the change, only a trained specialist would have detected it. Was Dumbledore hoping Harry would be impacted… made weaker and more malleable? She respected Albus Dumbledore, thought him a great leader, but did she trust him with the welfare of her son?

And now Dudley. What would have happened to Harry growing up in Dudley's shadow? She knew her sister, had received an honest impression of her from the Muggle doctor last week. Would Petunia have believed there was anything less than perfect about her son? Would she have regulated his meals, planned an exercise regiment, met with specialist? Or would she have convinced herself the world was wrong and continued to indulge her baby with anything he wanted?

Sirius was offering her an out. He was offering her a magical residence that was untraceable and unplottable. Money. A house elf to help with the cooking and cleaning. Safety, security, confidentiality, companionship, _help._ Should she take it? Could she take it? Just disappear with Harry and Dudley, get them the treatments they needed, the help to grow strong. But Sirius wasn't her husband… and his fluctuating emotions didn't speak of strong mental strength. Was he the type of person she wanted her children to see as a role model and care taker?

Deeply distressed and no clearer in her thoughts, Lily let the boys into the house and out into the backyard. A quick peek showed her that Sirius was sleeping, wadded up tissues and half-full glasses of juice spread out around him. She rolled her eyes at the sight, reflecting slightly bitterly that it would be she who cleaned up the mess, and entered the kitchen to start dinner. The boys were laughing, tumbling and playing together in the backyard. Harry's eyes were bright and clear, a smile dominating his face, as he chased his cousin around the backyard. Dudley was laughing, belly-deep laughs that made his little body seem to vibrate with mirth. He was running from Harry, his chubby legs pumping furiously, only to trip and go sprawling onto the grass. Harry landed next to him, and the two rolled and giggled before getting up to chase the neighbor's cat. They looked so innocent. So happy. So normal.

Stop. Lily shook her head, wiping tears from her eyes as she pulled ingredients out of the fridge with trembling hands. They _were_ normal. Just because Dudley needed to have a special diet… well, so did Diabetics, right? The family could adapt and make it work. And simply because Harry had scar tissue around his magical core… well, he wasn't a squib and _somebody_ would know what to do to help him, right? Right? Yes, they could make this work, but she mustn't start treating them like they were fragile, or different, because that would cause more harm than good. Wiping tears from her eyes, Lily repeated that to herself until the doorbell interrupted her silent reflection. She checked on the boys, now digging up the garden and burying their G.I. Joes, before wiping her hands on a towel and leaving the kitchen.

Severus Snape stood on the door step in flowing black teaching robes, a disdainful sneer on his face and arms crossed protectively over his chest. For one hysterical moment, Lily wanted to laugh and tell her old friend how much he resembled her two-year-old when he had thrown a tantrum over cookies the day before. Thankfully, common sense kicked in, and she was able to mumble a distracted, "Severus?" before taking a half-step towards him.

A single eyebrow arched in response, black eyes sweeping over the exposed hall-way and back to Lily standing pale-faced and trembling before him. "Mrs. Dursley," he finally drawled coldly. "I have come to inform you…"

He never got to finish. For Lily had just realized that the very reason they had ended their friendship revolved around Dark Arts and bigoted ideals. Severus knew the Dark Arts, probably to an extent he could make successful predictions about Harry's disorder, if not help him outright. And Severus was a Potion Master. Who better to make the potions both boys would need in the future? She was aware that the man before her was speaking, but there was an odd ringing noise in her ears as relief and the realization she was not alone flooded through her. Without though, she stepped forward and threw herself into his arms.

Severus Snape went absolutely rigid, making no move whatsoever to unclench his arms from around his own chest. Lily didn't care. Severus smelled like Potions and pumpkin juice and parchment. He smelled familiar. And holding onto the tense body before her, Lily began to cry in earnest. "Oh, Severus. My babies are broken. Please, _please_, help me!"

"Your…" Nonplussed, the man trailed off, finally unclenching one hand long enough to pat her stiffly on the head before shoving her away from him.

Lily staggered backwards, one hand reaching out to brace herself against the wall. She smiled tearfully, wondering absently if she should invite him in off the front porch,

HPHPHP

Hello! Guess what? I'm still alive! Sorry for the delay in updates, but life has been busy and Mini-Me just turned seven. One more slow update and then we will go back to regularly scheduled bouts of insanity. Promise.

1. I know I promised Severus in this chapter, but next chapter proves to be rather explosive – literally – and this seemed like a good stopping point to this one. No, I will remain truthful to my pledge and there will be no sappy instant forgive-and-forget on both their parts. They're going to duke it out, and it will not be resolved in one chapter, though tentative progress will be made. If you're wondering how I am going to accomplish that yet keep the chapter explosive… well, simply remember our favorite Manic Depressive currently sleeping upstairs. Heh.

2. I waffled quite a bit on Lily's soliloquies here. I didn't want the Magic vs. No Magic debate to seem repetitive, but I based her reaction off of mine. When proposing life changes, I don't think on it once and make a decision. I replay it in my mind, over-analyze it, analyze my over-analyzations, and sometimes continue to second guess myself until after the transition is complete. However, in fan fiction, this comes across as a weakened character and a waste of space. So I edited it to make it seem true to the situation, yet not drone on needlessly. I don't want Lily to seem weak, or helpless, or bubble-headish, but real. And real people who have been hit with one thing after another need a few days - or chapters - to collect themselves before they can move on. Yes? Hope you all don't get too flustered by the end result.

3. Harry. No, Harry will not be super-powerful, Merlin-heir, the second coming of Christ. He will, however, be a strong wizard. After all, in Canon, they tell us Voldemort put a portion of his soul in Harry. How could this NOT have affected him until right before the final battle fight-wise or fifth-year emotion-wise? I don't buy it. I think there were hints all along, such as the ability to turn his teacher's hair blue and apparrating at age seven, but he was suppressed to such a point by his upbringing that he never reached his full potential. Well, his mother is there, which makes him feel confident and secure. And she took him to a doctor who knew what to look for. Yes, Harry was mis-diagnosed, but take into account how many attempted Horcrux-makings the doctor had seen before. Wild guess. The doctor did the best he could, and saw the black aura and odd-results to be scar tissue. Whether or not this will be corrected… will be seen once Harry has aged.

4. Dudley. In the first book, he has to squint and mentally process how much 36 + 2 is. He is abnormally large, prone to violent tempers, and has trouble interacting on the correct social level. Rowling may be content to leave him as is, with barely any redemption to speak of, but I need a _reason_ why this behavior is so consistent through the books with no differing growth and development. Personally, I always thought that in the fifth book, the Dementors trapped him inside his own mind and made him relive the sensation of losing control over your body or mind. Can you imagine perpetually feeling helpless? Plus, I rather like the thought of what could happen were Harry and Dudley _protective_ of each other. By the way, the affliction is real, and I've done quite a bit of research on the matter. He won't be cured by magic, but he will be helped by Muggle and magical means to a less-intense result.

5. To live on Privet Drive, or not to live on Privet Drive. That is the question. And I have ideas that go both ways so VOTE and tell me what you think.

6. For all those who are begging me not to forget Moony… I haven't. Swear. But he's slightly delayed at the moment.

7. No, the story will not continue with Harry at age two for long. But there are SO MANY THINGS that need to be resolved before I can move the story forward. It's getting to – not THE pivotal opening point, but A pivotal opening point – that I will probably keep them in this current time frame until after Christmas, and then skips a few months so the story doesn't grow stagnant. All the concerns you have? Believe me: I have them and then some.

Whew! Sorry for the long Authors Note, but it's been awhile and I couldn't keep track of all the reviews and PM's. Again, one more slow update, hopefully by next week, and then back to my regular speed of updates. Thanks for hanging in there!

(Blows kisses to all)

Roo


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